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I'm the only daughter of an alcoholic. Both of my parents are on vacation in Hawaii, my 30+ years of alcoholism mother got pneumonia there and has been in the ICU. She was on a reperaitor last night and they have removed all oxygen and she is breathing on her own. I talked to one of the nurses and he told me their goal is to release her as quickly as possible so she doesn't start going through withdrawals in the hospital so they don't have to medically treat that. He said if she were to be detoxed in the hospital she could be there for a few weeks. Whenever my mom has had an emergency in the past I alway am there and try and show my support however my dad, the worlds biggest enabler, thinks I swoop in and start bossing him around, but he's also called me bossy my whole life. My dad will not go to Al Annon meetings and thinks just she needs to go off and be fixed. I've tried to let go and love my mom and accept her problem. I'm torn about going to Hawaii to show my mom I love her and support her and want to help her if she wants help. After 30+ years of alcoholism I worry every time I talk to her might be my last, she is so frail and thin and I don't want to regret not offering help in a time of need like hospitalization. Does anyone else feel the same way? What have you done?
Welcome H MT You certainly sound like a loving supportive daughter. When my husband & son were hospitalized, I always shared my concerns with the staff and then felt as if they were in the hands of the medical experts and that I could relax. It does seem strange that the hospital is trying to discharge her so that she does not go into withdraw. I would be concerned about that, and would possibly ask to speak to the physician in charge.
If you believe that she should be held in the hospital so she can detox, I can understand that. I would speak to the doctor in charge, find out his opinion and then talk to mom and dad. This is only a personal, belief, however I would not fly to. Hawaii.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
Welcome H MT you're in the right place. Betty makes excellent points and I'd also encourage you to speak with the doctor in charge.
With leaning into my program I was able to be there for my Mom when she became frail. I'm so grateful that I could do so with love and serenity. These are tender, bittersweet moments that I cherish.
Every situation is different and I have confidence you'll keep taking the next right step.
Thank you both! I know I'm not alone in dealing with this. It's hard to keep boundaries when dealing with someone you love and watching them spiral. My mom had a traumatic brain injury from drinking 4 years ago a nearly died. She spent several weeks in the hospital then a month at rehab. She stayed sober less than 6 months. I watched my parents relationship change, they didn't know how to communicate sober and they both hated going to meetings. Sadly even when her life is on the line I don't think she wants to be sober. Since she doesn't want to be sober I don't think the hospital wants to spend the resources trying to help her be sober. For a long time I have felt like any day could be the last time I get to talk to her, I just tell her I love her.
I send welcomes to you too H-MT....so very sorry for the pain this disease has brought to you. I'm sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. In my world, the program helped me to learn how to say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean. Along the same vein, my sponsor suggested to me that when I am not entirely sure how to be of service, that perhaps I ask, straight up, "What can I do to be of service?" I am amazed at how often the other person will say what they need and how different it is from what I thought they wanted/needed....Just a suggestion - glad you found us and glad that you joined right in!!
Keep coming back...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
