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I see my post on Mattie's boundary post ( A great one, Mattie, thank you) I think I should start a new topic on this one
its weird...In my old sick days, I had friends up the ying yang and some were actually GOOD....here??? I get into recovery and it seems my circle has shrunk...like I am in exile or something...Maybe my "tastes" have changed as I get healthier and my boundaries get more strong and not wavering...I do'nt know...Maybe my fears have put up an invisible barriar, like I WANT love and companionship, but I FEAR getting my heart broken again....I am pained and abused out....Too many people went to my well, too many times with their empty buckets, filling up with MY water and not putting anything back into my well....So I dried up!!!!! I don't want that.........so Creator bless them, but CHANGE me........I know the kids would love for me to go back to CA, but it would HAVE to be HP's call...THAT is a serious move..Selling my home and going there?? yea, I could put a trailer on their property and live out my days, I guess, have some $$ in the bank from house sale, but I'm not talking rich.... HP!!! YOU GOT THIS ONE........I'm getting out of the way...........
I hope this made sense....today was ROUGH....another grief cycle because I shared something really tender and lovely on my facebook about my sister and her love for me...I got a LOT of "loves" and comments on it.....but it brought up some bitter sweet memories....so I hope this post made sense....I am kind of "closing ranks" of late...I only want the few close folks I have near me....the casuals, I don't feel up to.....that includes the adopted daughter...going through this grief, I see clearly, we never had a mutual, loving relationship....I taught her..Raised her up and now she must take my teachings and go on....without me...I'm gonna take care of me and love the ones I really got.....Let go the rest till I feel better and even then---be selective---my time and energy are valuable...........JUST saying
EDITED BY ME!!!! deleted most about adopted daughter....letting go MEANS letting go....not to keep harping on it...
-- Edited by mamalioness on Saturday 5th of August 2017 03:13:46 PM
DANG!!!! I feel a sore throat coming on....Gonna pile down some vit C....all the grieving and lousy sleep, weakened me.......GEEEEZ life get off me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hi, rose. i've been away from here for some time and see here that your sister passed... so sorry to hear and am sending you my condolences. truly hope you can vit C yourself and get some goooooood rest tonight and take care of yourself! sending hugs.
hey June.... hope U R ok....yea, its vit C and some tangarines time., LOL.....thanks for the condolence....rough day today....maybe after her service on the 12th, the grief will not be so bad, don't know, its a process...I'm just allowing it, riding it out, taking care of me.......thanks for the Hugs....I LOVE hugs!!!!!! good seeing you!!!!
(((((Mamalioness))))))
I'm so sorry for your hurt and pain! I can relate. Initially my circle of friends shrunk and then they expanded. I now feel blessed to have warm-hearted people surrounding me. I promised myself to not isolate or become desperate to let just anyone into my life and to continually return to strengthen my relationship with my program and HP.
As you know, I've apparently been exited from my relationship. Fear set in and I reacted to his dis-health. I wound up traumatized and released the trauma by pushing the fear aside and unburying my wounded heart. Once my fragile, scarred heart was exposed, I could offer it to HP. HP swaddled it with love. Note that nothing changed my situation - I'm still sad how the events turned out but the extreme angst is gone and I'm feeling more serene. I had lost 8 pounds over the past week - weight that I cannot afford to lose - making efforts to regain my appetite and keep to my budget. I will welcome love into my life again when I meet someone worthy. I hope to be able to offer more having "cleansed" my heart from hurt.
Good Morning Rose I have found that while practicing program that the quality of my friends may diminish but the quality increases tremendously. Keep trusting HP with your heart and know you are not alone.
I am off to my 3rd Birthday Party for this year (My brother's sons)that I rarely see since his passing and am looking forward to the celebration.
YES....Betty----Quality over Quantity....that is where I am at....separating the wheat from the chaffe....its part of taking care of me....and I am progressing........
and yaaaaaaaaaaaaay a THIRD b-day party.....Rock on , our lovely Betty......You deserve it..........B-day HUGS from me to you
