Oh DEAR Sarah, I so feel for you and the anxiety crap!!!  "dark night of the soul" sounds kinda religious connotations , what I think is that you are going through grief, (normal) AND that you didn't have a gr8 relationship with dad and yea, forgiving and reconciling within oneself is a different think....yea, he was hurtful to you and I bet you never really worked all that inner child pain out....the 12 steps and teh worksheets you can get on the steps , to me, helped me better than therapy...Unless the therapist went THROUGH my pain, how can they learn in a book what I suffered in real life??? I had better luck in the meetings and working with a sponsor who could relate to me and also working teh 12 steps workbooks....yea, I got to know ME...and then layer by layer , I dug down into the family of origin pain  or inner child word and i rooted out all the crap that happened to me and i was finally able to grieve it, understand it, I can't forgive my offenders, but I CAN and DID forgive ME for being a powerless child, unable to help herself....I gave the compassion and forgiveness to ME...this was about ME and MY feelings and MY pain and My being here in recovery....

I can relate, also to the "not proper goodbye"  but ya know??? life comes at us in its own terms, not always tidy, lots of times messy, but this program will help you reconcile with YOU, the important one here, the impact this all had on you....please keep coming back and working the meetings and steps and get a good sponsor and your anxiety will decrease....I've been on medication for 40 years and NEVER have had to increase my dosage in fact, I think I use less, thanks to recovery andworking out all this garbage of my past....your father was not healthy, to treat you like that..that is HIS issue...yea, he qualified you to get here, but now its your job to work on your recovery and what you are feeling is absolutely normal given the circumstances....be gentle with you...EASY DOES IT on you....keep coming back...this program does work....we CAN reclaim our lives and be happy, healthy and free of all that past ....forgiveness is , to me, a by product of recovery..some folks can forgive and some cannot...but the BIG thing is to , for me, was to forgive ME for being powerless and unable to cope any better than I could....

 

HUGS of support

-- Edited by mamalioness on Sunday 30th of July 2017 03:43:57 PM

Hugs, ((((Charlotte)))). I feel for you, depression is truly a terrible thing. I believe I had depression for about 7 years (not anymore for 4-5 years). I say "I believe" because it was not diagnosed since I didn't seek professional help. I know that if I ever had it again, I would seek help, and I'm happy you have. As for anxiety, I had tons of it, constantly, before coming to Alanon and in the first few months in the program. When I truly got rid of the constant, never ending anxiety it was only when I started to really not think, obsess about my ex-abf. Only then. I don't know if any of this helps... But you are not alone. Sending you best wishes and cyberhugs.