The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi today the concept of powerlessness has been reinforced. I realize I can't control or change what my AH is doing. I feel so disrespected I just don't know how to handle it. My AH uses other things as well and has been leaving things around the house. I don't want to see it, smell it, nothing. I don't want it at our home. I have told him this repeatedly and his just doesn't care to abide by my wishes. If I bring up the subject he just blames me for his continued bad behavior. He is now getting more violent with confrontation so I am just quiet when he is home. Most of the time he avoids me and won't even come home at night. He is at the house when I go to work. This is no life. I am trying to stay focused on helping myself. The only time he is really around is when he wants money. That situation gets bad if I refuse to give him any. He is breaking us financially. If I don't give in he is physically lashing out. I know I can call the authorities, I just don't want to add that to his hatred. I moved 2000 miles 3 months ago by myself, but he followed and I let him because he said he was clean and sober.NOT. just had to vent. Thanks for your ESH.
Aloha Kath and welcome to the MIP Family and board. I didn't see that you contacted the local Al-Anon hotline to find out where and when we get together in your area. MIP is an Al-Anon Family and maybe not so close enough to instill more confidence. I get a picture from your share of tenuous concern and fear which I watched our fellowship set up procedures for your safety. Your alcoholic is holding you responsible for the situation and getting more forceful? As a former behaviorist I would suggest you build a plan for your safety and health and don't hesitate to act it out before things get physical or worse.
Yes you are powerless up to a point...If you have a Higher Power, a god of your own understanding as for its help and keep coming back here often to let us know how things are going. (((((hugs)))))
Hi. This program helps me realize I am powerless over another person and their choices. I am not responsible for their recovery only mine. Know that working on keeping my focus on me helps me gain strength to handle any situation. With the help of my HP and those close to me, I know I can overcome adversity. I am a survivor. I know today I am worthy of love and peace in this life. Keep coming back. Hugs.
Hi, Taylor, your share made me remember how things used to be with me not long ago... Alcoholism is a dreadful, powerful disease. As others here have told me when things were bad with my ex-abf, your safety is of utmost importance, and I also suggest having a plan of where to go / what to do in case things get violent. A friend or relative living close by maybe? When I began to enforce or sometimes just communicate about my boundaries with my ex-abf, I got constant anger and resistance from him - he was used to me just getting along with practically anything he did for years. And some boundaries he simply refused to respect, like letting me get a good night's sleep... I hope you get a chance to attend local Alanon meetings in your new place to get support there. You are important and worthy to be happy and safe, I hope you will be gentle with yourself. As they say, more will be revealed, and it is so always. ((((Hugs))))
Kmtaylor - welcome to MIP - so glad you found us and glad that you joined right in. I know I was in denial for a long while about how the disease affects those of us who love or live with an active alcoholic.....I too got to a point where I just felt defeated, angry, sad and stuck and that's when I truly attended Al-Anon meetings with an open mind. That began my journey in Al-Anon recovery which has not been perfect but has certainly brought about many positive changes in my life, my attitude, my thinking and my spirit.
I hope you will try some meetings....this disease is more powerful and baffling than words can describe. We each have a journey that we would never wish upon our worst enemy and yet, the WE aspect of this program does give hope and help to those who want to recover.
Please know you are not alone - keep coming back...
Flyfree - welcome also to MIP. Glad you found us and great that you joined right on in.
Both - welcome to the family!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
