The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
it feels like i havent been here in years. the past few weeks have been "eventful" to say the least.
i was communicating with my "A" as in going to his place to chat, give him words of encouragement etc... even tho he was drinking and taking tabs. i sat back one night when i came home and realised that i was putting up with total s**t from him.
i was...and i dont know how it happened.... attending to his every whim.... AGAIN... i was back to square one..even tho we werent even a couple... it was a complete farce.
he begged me to call round one night last week... i went round..knocked on the door and waited there for about 20 mins...banging...convinced he was dead inside. the next day it turned out he had fallen into a deep sleep due to the drink consumed and when he woke up at 11...went clubbing in town...
the following day of course he denied all the stuff he got up to... but i have eye witnesses.. he had a good few numbers in his cell of foreign girls... "lapdancers"..hookers etc...
i actually nearly vomited.. i partly suspected that he was sleeping around...but he denied it everytime i asked... saying he was in love with me and he would wait for me.... to change my mind.. telling me that he had no interest in sex with anyone else..
.............the lies..........
i blew up at him... called him every name under the sun.... and banged the door b4 storming off. that was sunday....in the last 3 days he is ringing and texting me CONSTANTLY... it started off begging my forgiveness..then turned nasty and abusive...and last night he sent me pictures off his camera phone off all the lapdancers and hookers hes screwing.....
THEN......WAIT FOR IT,,,, the best is yet to come..... he text me last night in the middle of the night.. asking me did i have an abortion....or did i lose his baby??? jeez..he's gone mental.
i shouldnt have to put up with that crap..... and i wont.
im changing my cell phone AGAIN...2moro.
i have no choice. and i blocked his e-mail address from my inbox... i dt want to have him ruining my day.. every day.
he can have all the wh**es he wants...let him sleep with who he wants...but dont throw that s**t in my face...i dont deserve it.
do you know what i realised guys.... he never really loved me.... not ne little bit..coz you wudnt treat a stray mangey dog the way he's treated me the last few weeks.
i really needed to vent that...thanks for listening...
i know i hadnt been here in a while...but i was doing really well with my programme... its when i let him back in slowly that i got f**ed up.
thanks for always being there when i need ye.
has anyone heard from cyn in a while?? i e-mailed her last week but got no reply!
I have been gone for a long time too, you life sounds almost like mine but my a is still living with me and hopefully not screwing others, but no guarentee.
I am jealous of your strength to be honest, I am very weak and have a hard time sticking to anything especially the program, and boundries, I think i make them so I can be hurt when others walk right over them.
Keep up the good work, I think your doing great. I know there is a lot of hurt in what you are saying, I can feel it but I will pray for you and me.
Good to hear from you. Sounds like your a is right where you left him. ODAT, good for you for blocking him out. Give you some TLC and attention. Take care
Hugs,
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
" A " tends to get us caught up into their way of living (partying) instead of what we know is best for ourselves. We get caught up in it before we know it... because after all we Love them. We want to BE WITH them.
You can still spend time with him...but when he decides to drink or do whatever... THAT TIME can be "Your Time." Time for You. Doing something for Yourself. Visit a friend, go to a movie, read a good book. Detaching, can be a healthy thing. You can love him.... and not get all caught up in his decisions that you dont agree with. Like drinking and partying wih drugs.
If you have a sponsor its time to make that call! if not, time to go to a meeting. Talking with your sponsor / someone (direct) that can help you to steer "You" (strongly) your-self back into working your program (the steps.) and staying with it.. A sponsor (and the f2f meetings) are there to help us understand... helps us to get and keep our head/mind back where ....it needs to be. Healthy thinking. Healthy Actions. (((You)) ) can feel good about what You want for Your Self, what you know in your heart and your mind .. that you deserve.
So glad you found your way back... So glad to see you found your way back HereTOO! ((hugs))
What I am finding is that those slips in our program, thwe chance to once again see the way that alcohol affects my life, as well as the alcholic and his behavior are my higher powers way of telling me what I need to do for me. When I get complacent or start to have expectation, inevitably I wind up hurting. That is where I am today, but also where I am today is quite different than where I was before program. Today,
I can jump on the computer and check in with others
I can pick up some CAL and do some reading
I can call my sponsor
I can remind myself that my A is an A afterall and just doing what As do
I can look at how I got to feeling the way I am feeling and try to do differently next time
I can realize I am not alon
I cannot change him, his actions or decision but I can refuse to accept them
I am in a much better place than I was three months ago, although, in the moment it felt like I was right back there. Thanks so much for the post, your reaching out is helping me. The program at work.
We get caught up in it before we know it... because after all we Love them. We want to BE WITH them. 
if not, time to go to a meeting. Talking with your sponsor / someone (direct) that can help you to steer "You" (strongly) your-self back into working your program (the steps.) and staying with it.. A sponsor (and the f2f meetings) are there to help us understand... helps us to get and keep our head/mind back where ....it needs to be. Healthy thinking. Healthy Actions. (((You)) ) can feel good about what You want for Your Self, what you know in your heart and your mind .. that you deserve.
So glad to see you found your way back HereTOO! 
((hugs))