The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last weeks events prompted me to accept some truths.
The biggest being that I am responsible for my own happiness, no one else is. I spoke with my dad today about leaving the family business. He is going to close it down. It makes sense all around for us to walk away from this.
The best way for me to set up healthy boundaries with my family members is if I don't put either of us in the position to have opinions or pull in the lives of one another.
I'm still a little confused with the suggestion for those of us in early recovery to not make any big changes. How can you not if you're trying to get your life in order?
I made a lot of phone calls today. I want to go back to school and set myself up with a solid skill set for a future career. There are lots of "what if's" that come along with that but I am putting my full trust in God that it will work out exactly the way that it is supposed to.
There are loads of grants, loans and assistance programs for single mothers. Sure it will be a struggle but it's only a 2 year course. The house I'm living in right now, I can't afford. I am sinking deeper every month that I choose to stay there.
We will have to move and the kids will have to switch schools. If I'm being honest, we would have had to do that anyway. I can not afford to live where I'm living.
These are all moves I've wanted to make for a really long time, I just needed that push I guess. So, I got the push & now I'm working on following through.
I am ignoring the 6 month "don't make big decisions" rule & literally making all kinds of big decisions. But, these are decisions I have been tossing around for years & never had the guts to go through with them.
Recent events and awakenings have given me the guts :)
((Sarah)) Alanon suggests that we make no major changes in our lives until we are in program for 6 months, unless we are in a dangerous situation . That is only a suggestion and is not written in stone.
It is suggested so that new members do not jump in and attempt to take actions that they are not prepared to take because they are still in "react" mode.
It does seem as i you have been processing these choices for a while and are not reacting to the insanity of alcoholism but responding to your inner voice.
Good luck as you move forward. Positive thoughts and prayers on the way
I started going to meetings because I knew I had to make some changes but didn't feel emotionally strong enough to make them and wanted support. I wanted to make some big decisions right away but am glad I am trying to take it more slowly. Some days are better than others and I can see how it would be easier to come to certain conclusions on "good days" (those days where I have clarity and am sure I have the answers) that I wouldn't necessarily come to on "bad days" (days where my "old tapes" are playing loud and clear and I allow my fear to lead me to believe them).
I think the reason it is suggested not to make big changes right away is that changing your behavior, feelings (especially about yourself) and perceptions take time. If you move too fast then you risk having made the changes before you truly are ready to handle it. As my grandfather used to say, don't put the cart before the horse. In general I think it's just a reminder to take it one day at a time, try not to move too fast and take a deep breath. Change takes time.
On the other hand, I think if you feel you are ready to make the changes you made and you feel they are right for you and you feel good about them then Yay for you!! Take what you need and disregard the rest!
Congrats on making positive choices for yourself!!
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How people treat you is their Karma. How you react is yours.
One of the things about us al-anons is that some of us have a tendency to force solutions -- this is in the opening statement I think. I definitely have that -- I'm not someone who likes to wait and process things -- I"m all about action -- now, now, now, I want what I want and I want it when I want it. For me, this is deeply entwined with my sense of control. Rather than letting go and letting HP take over and talk things through and reason things out, I want to take over and make something happen. I have made plenty of snap decisions in my life about major things (getting married, getting divorced, moving -- the geographic cure -- moving out of one country to another, starting a job, leaving a job, the list goes on and on). It's always worked out fine. It would have worked out differently if I had done something different, and I think it would also have worked out fine. I also never really know what's my will and what's God's will (except on small things -- like when I'm snotty or rude to people), so I can offer experience, but not necessarily strength or hope on this one!
I agree with all of the above - these are not necessarily life 'changes' but planned events. It would not make sense for anyone to stay living in a home that was no longer affordable for any reason - you're doing just fine and dandy.
I applaud you for your continued processing and desire to do for you! I love that you plan to trust God and go with it. Yay for you - keep on keeping on.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It doesn't feel like I'm acting out of insanity. Like I said, I've been thinking about this for a long time.
These are all massive changes though. I can't help but think it's a bit much.
Quitting my job = a necessity. It is not working for me or my kids, or anyone else involved.
Moving = yes my kids will have to change schools. But I can't afford this house and I am getting myself in trouble.
School = that just seems like a smart move. Why wouldn't I do that?
I am trying to shift my perspective from fantasy to reality. This is something I've really struggled with in all areas of my life. I'm not running from anything, I am accepting things as they are and trying to make the best choices with the options I have.
The strangest thing is that I'm not scared. At all. I've lived my entire life full of fear and anxiety.
I'm making some big moves here and I honestly do trust that things will work out.
It doesn't feel like I'm acting out of insanity. Like I said, I've been thinking about this for a long time.
These are all massive changes though. I can't help but think it's a bit much.
Quitting my job = a necessity. It is not working for me or my kids, or anyone else involved. Moving = yes my kids will have to change schools. But I can't afford this house and I am getting myself in trouble. School = that just seems like a smart move. Why wouldn't I do that?
I am trying to shift my perspective from fantasy to reality. This is something I've really struggled with in all areas of my life. I'm not running from anything, I am accepting things as they are and trying to make the best choices with the options I have.
The strangest thing is that I'm not scared. At all. I've lived my entire life full of fear and anxiety. I'm making some big moves here and I honestly do trust that things will work out.
sarahGee ~ you are young, beautiful and smart!!! You are doing the right thing!!! Sometimes a fresh start is what a person needs! I don't see anything negative about any of the decisions you are getting ready to take action on! You are getting out of the family business which is obviously stressing you out and has caused you a lot of heartache this week. You are moving to a more affordable location which will prevent you from getting in financial trouble. And you are bettering yourself by furthering your education which will only result in a professional career with a better salary! My advice - YOU GO GIRL!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!!!!
