The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(((Sarah))) - sending you positive thoughts and prayers. Hoping today is a better day for you!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
No better. Thankful for the one person that reached out.
I didn't want anyone to know I was in al Anon. I entered the program for ME. So I could get help and break the cycle.
Now everyone knows & that has brought a landslide of garbage.
I guess I didn't clear my work email. My brother still has a key to the family business. entered the premises after hours, went through my email and found a thread I had subscribed to. Kept reading, found what he wanted to & forwarded all of it to my family.
The beauty of it, is that it's pushed me to the place that I am finally ready to fully detach with love.
Nothing is safe as long as I leave it in their hands. I will always be a part of the mess.
I went home from work & didn't close my email. That left me open to this. Something so dumb.
Most people can go about their day and not lose their minds because they didn't clear the trash folder. Not me. And it's my fault, no one else's. As long as I keep myself here, I am making myself a willing participant.
As long as I stick by them, I will find myself in this place. Over and over and over.
I can create my own life with my own safety.
Family business is tough. Family business in a family with addiction,
Forget it.
I relate the disease stuck to me like lint to glue until my sponsor told me I had to separate myself from all things alcohol and so I did...family, friends, spouse everyone and rebuilt my program member group of relationships. It happened quickly as the programs were very large in Central Valley CA. I am not living there now and when we go back to visit the family is still there. Love it. ((((hugs))))
Very true Jerry!
I love my home group. The people there are a mixed bunch, but I have a respect for them as I meet them because they have gathered the courage at some point to enter the program. There is a real comradery. There are women I look up to for various reasons. Few men, but the ones that are there I have much respect for because they are not only battling alcoholism, but gender stereotypes. They reached out for help.
I love these people and have a fondness for some of those I've met here as well!!
I struggle with the idea that my family is blood & history says you never leave blood behind.
But when it's a constant head ache...
I didn't close my email. And I've been in a world of hurt for 4 days because of it.
He could have contacted me and said "hey I saw this, what's up with that"
Nope. Drama family copy/paste and send to all.
I can't live like this wondering what new event is going to take place each day.
What I can change is me & I'm going to do that. Build myself a new family.
May I offer a little comfort hopefully. I had a situation where my ex confronted me and was very very nasty. He had been snooping through my handbag and discovered I was planning to escape from him.
I fell apart at my carelessness at allowing him to find out.
Gosh my mind was so sick and ill. HELLO. Key point. He was ###### snooping through my handbag ######
May I offer a little comfort hopefully. I had a situation where my ex confronted me and was very very nasty. He had been snooping through my handbag and discovered I was planning to escape from him.
I fell apart at my carelessness at allowing him to find out.
Gosh my mind was so sick and ill. HELLO. Key point. He was ###### snooping through my handbag ######
That's exactly it. MY privacy was violated. And because my family is the way they are, instead of saying "hey buddy you shouldn't be going through her stuff" they all took the bait.
I see how sick I am because I felt the need to defend myself.
In the beginning I actually apologized that he had to see it. Old habits die hard don't they.
(((Hugs))) Sarah - we too had a family business at one time. You are spot on that it's difficult at best with family as there is almost always dysfunction. It's virtually impossible with substance abuse issues.....
Snooping to me is very similar to theft - the personal violation felt is the exact same thing. I've been a victim of both. The bad news is also the good news - no more secrets and you now can just live your truth. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but this too shall pass and there is a reason this has happened.
Hang in there - keep coming back girl! It is most certainly true that you can start a new account if desired to head off future snooping! We always have choices, and that gives me hope in recovery!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
