The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for November 6 reflects on Step Five," admitting to God, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." The reading asks the question" what is the exact nature of our wrongs " is it the embarrassing moment or the word spoken or our dishonesty.
It suggests that "the exact nature of our wrongs", is the unspoken self-defeating assumptions that give rise to our thoughts and actions. These include notions of my best is not good enough that I'm not worthy of love and that I have been hurt too deeply to ever really heal.. If I dig deeply enough I usually find thoughts such as these behind the things I feel worse about. Living with alcoholism has taken a huge toll on our self-esteem and as a result we may not recognize how many of our wrongs are built on a faulty sense of self. That's why the Fifth Step is so important.
The quote is from Alateen: Hope for Children of Alcoholics; "If no one knows us as we really are, we run the risk of making ourselves victims of our own self hatred. If we can be loved by somebody who sees us as we are, we will then be able to accept ourselves. Others rarely think we are as bad as we think we are."
Step 5 was crucial to my recovery It is here that I gave myself permission to be human and to accept that everyone, being human was imperfect and that was OK. Once I was able to "accept myself, flaws and all and not deny them, and see just how they were hurting me, I was ready to move to Step 6 and become ready to let them go so as to replace them with healthy thoughts out responses and not negative reactions.
Happy Sunday Betty and MIP....I did remember to turn my clock back and am grateful for an added hour to my day! I really like today's reading. What I have learned from working the steps, especially the action ones, is that I am not unique in things I did, instead I am human. My spiritual journey allows me to be human and to work on self-love while trying to be a better version of me. I too had to give myself permission to be LTP (Less Than Perfect) in order to accept me as I am, faults, flaws and all.
It took me a long while to realize and accept that my HP - God - loves me exactly as I am. He also loves my qualifiers exactly as they are. If I am trying to be a spiritual person, who am I to love another person less than me or my HP, especially if my perceptions have been affected by this disease. Working all the steps, but especially 4 & 5 gave me a renewed sense of purpose and the ability to see me as I am and see that if I am willing to work on me/change, I will continue to learn and grow.
I was asked to go to church today for a memory mass for my aunt who passed earlier this year. I was told it was at 10:30 and I had to drive to a near-by city for the service. Long story short, it was at 10am, I was a bit late and it was a memory mass for 'all' who had passed so far in 2016. It was packed - jam packed - and I ended up standing for the service.
Before recovery, I would probably not have committed. If I did commit to show/go, I would certainly have been full of myself to have be given the wrong time. I most likely would have felt awkward for being late, and fully ready to blame/shame another for misinforming me. With the program and all our tools, I was instead able to stay present, enjoy as much as I was there for and tease my cousin about the lateness of my arrival. We even went to lunch and made plans for the holiday season.
God is good to me and I am worthy. All I have to do is stay in the moment, look for the blessings and roll with it all. My team just scored a TD - go Chiefs!!!
Make it a great Sunday to one and all - football this afternoon and 4 games of softball tonight. Blessings to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
