The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
IF Betty is around, maybe she can answer this because she's been in Al Anon a long time. When I was growing up, I was told I was incompetent. So I always feel like I can't do things and I need help. I have a fear of being alone. I have a real small family now and it scares the heck out of me. I had to stop seeing my rother's family as they are too toxic. They are using and getting into trouble. They have also been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder. If anyone has ever dealt with a narcissist, it's a destructive behavior. Many people go no contact because a Narcissist will literally suck the life out of you. They are like emotional vampires. It's a very difficult condition to treat because they dont' want help.
I want help. So that's a good thing. I am working on my own narcissistic traits. I am working on this humility thing now. I need to become less dependent.
Hi Annie, I just returned to see your message. To answer your question," will program help us to be more independent?. My answer is absolutly. I found that by attending meetings, having the courage to share at the meeting helped me to build the confidence in my own ability to connect with people in a healthy fashion.
Working the steps with the sponsor enabled me to have a relationship with another person as an equal and was not based on them fixing me.
When I worked the steps and examined my motives, I finally did see what I was doing to hurt myself and then I could pick up new tools to replace this destructive behavior. All in all the entire program of Al-Anon is dedicated to making us more independent and self-sufficient so that we begin to rely solely on HP and our own inner guidance.
We develop principles that guide our lives and learn how to place these principles above all else, so that we can live with courage and dignity and wisdom. Gratitude and asset lists help us to see who we are trust our decisions
Keep coming back you're already becoming a miracle in progress
Lucy, I would like to say a giant YES! Working on your own goals, learning how to value yourself, and learning you are in control of your own actions, not the actions of others is a huge part of Alanon. Living with narcissism is like learning to have no voice; your an echo of someone else's needs and desires. I hope your continued involvement in Alanon and hopefully some face to face meetings will keep you growing and becoming more independent. Its a great program, keep coming back, and keep working on you! You are worth it.
Yes and remember to keep coming back! When I stepped into All Anon, I thought I was truly going insane. Overtime I learned that it is a side effect of the Alcoholic in my life, not the person but the disease. I never lost my independence, but I did loss myself and slowly the me is coming back. Best of luck on your journey.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I know for myself I had turned inward and put a hard shell around myself for protection from the alcoholics and the world.
I feel like a butterfly coming out of the cocoon and in to the light after a little over a year in the program.
At first the light is so bright it is almost painful, but as time goes by and I learn more and share more of myself it becomes a guide and warmth and comfort.
I spent a few days with my parents (who I don't see too often) this last weekend and they reminded me of who I used to be and what I used to love. They reminded me that it is okay to just be me and not try to adjust myself for others comfort.
__________________
Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
