The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have started to take some steps to leave my A, who is also abusive. I did call and go look at an apartment last week. I didn't like it much, so I am going to keep looking. but for some reason I was SOOO scared to call and look at it. But I did it. I also went to the women's center, and spoke to them. They have transitional housing, and said they'd let me know when there is a vacancy.
I also am proud of myself for something little I did tonight. My A volunteered to stay home with the kids, so I could go out. Now while I would have liked to have gone to see a movie, or something that DIDN'T involve drinking, I knew this was not what he meant. He meant that he'd stay home while I went to the bar. Now, in the past, I would have told him I was going to the bar, then went somewhere else. And I would do this, to keep HIM from going out. so basically, the only reason I would go, would be to keep him from going. I did not do that tonight. I told him to go ahead, and I was not angry with him, or anything. I did not feel like going anywhere. I wanted to stay at home. I am glad I did. I let my 3yr. old stay up a little later, and we watched one of her cartoons that was on DVD in my bed and had a "girls"night. I am just proud of myself that I let go of the control issue. That I didn't go somewhere, when I didn't feel like it, just to keep him from going(and I would always want to keep him from going b/c I worry about him when he is out). I did call some friends, and had they called me back with anything I wanted to do, I would have gone. But I told my A, if no one calls by 9:30, that he could just go. I was also happy that I was not mad at him. which usually I am. I was a bit saddened earlier in the evening, b/c I was thinking that he'd rather spend his night at the bar then with me, but then I realized that he is an A, and that this is how it will always be. It is not personal, it is just the disease. That helped. It also saddened me that our 3yr old was asking him to stay, but he did not. We are taking her to see Dora The Explorer Live tomorrow. I told her that if daddy couldn't go, her grandma and I would take her. and she said ok. Because I KNOW he will not be awake in time after an evening of drinking. It makes me sad for her, b/c she REALLY wants him to come. But I will make sure she has a good time regardless.
Thank you all for your support. I don't know what I would do without all of you!
Hang in there, it is a hard decision, little easier when there is abuse, but still hurts inside. I am in the process of leaving myself, no abuse, so I had six months to really think it out after I knew it was never going to change.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Leah: what a difficult thing to think about leaving with a 3 year old. I admire your courage. I have made my own progress on dealing with the A and his acting out. My life has got better immeasurably with al-anon and I am so grateful. I am about to start a full time job (albeit a temporary one) on Monday and I hope that will bring me some financial freedom. I reach out all the time for support and encouragement. I hope you will surround yourself with support and care the thought of leaving is very difficult. I do think you should have an exit strategy and set goals and limits on it.
You're sounding strong! I know how scarey it is to pick up the phone and call about apartments or shelters. Your daughter is lucky she has you. When I went to look at apartments I took a friend along. I would never have thought asking 1/2 the questions my friend came up with. I just wanted a haven.
I spent years running out the door of our house so I wouldn't have to deal with my a husband. Now that I'm in my apartment I don't want to go out at all! I love the solitude and I hope you find it soon. One day a time!
It sounds like you had some serenity in your life :) And what fun to have it with your 3 year old daughter too! They grow up fast from one who knows. Enjoy her while she is young. Keep taking care of you and congratulations on getting things in order to take care of you and make yourself safe. cdb xoxoxoxo
Please be sure to share with your sponsor and let yourself attend some f2f meetings. take your time, your HP/ God will show you the right paths to take. you have grown so much. And know that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to. My prayers are with you.
