The material presented
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As most of you know I started a new f2f meeting in my town as there was not one within 6o miles. Or so I thought, until yesterday......
I got a call from a woman who said she has a group here, but it is inactive. She was so nasty. She proceeded to tell me that since I don't pay rent on the room we are using that we are a "charity" case. She was uncomfortable with that. I told her it had nothing to do with her.
Then she said that she was directly over me and could say what I could and couldn't do, she was district rep. She said it was redundant for me to have a meeting since she couldn't get anyone to come to hers in three years. Yeesh! I may as well not waste my time. She said, well I am just going to have you move your meeting here where mine is and I will change my night. I politely told her no, if she wanted to come I would be at the hospital on Friday nights at 6:30. She scowled, well I will come and we will see how it goes.
What is this? If she is like this to everyone I can see why no one comes to the meeting she runs. I talked to the AA group that is helping me and they said, ignore her, she likes to try to run everything and will try to railroad her.
That I can do, but what do I do if she shows up at our meeting and causes a fuss?
You spoke with someone in alanon before starting up your meeting, right? At the WSO, or somewhere else? I would contact the person you dealt with, and ask for some input. There must be a way to deal with this.
Her saying she is 'above' you is not right - there is no hierarchy in alanon. There is also nothing wrong with using a space without paying, so far as I know. I know of two different meetings that use public space without having to pay rent. As long as the place letting you use the space does not expect anything back from you- endorsement of their ideas, etc - this should not be a problem.
I would keep my alanon tools handy when dealing with this woman - "Thanks for your input, I'll have to think about that" - the same kind of 'deaf ear' we sometimes have to turn to the A.
If you are worried that you are doing something wrong, a careful reading of the traditions should put you right. As long as you are following them, you should be OK.
Hi Doxie! As I understand it, there are no 'Leaders" per se, in Al-Anon--just "trusted servants"--people who want to do some sort of service. And certainly no hierarchy! Lin0606 is right--as long as you are following the traditions, and have talked with people at the regional office, you should be able to do this. The more meetings the better, I would think! This lady sounds like a real control type--it may be for her good that something's happening here that's not within her power to possess!
If you can, invite other Al-Anoners for support and to get the meeting off the ground. And yes, be sure to have the literature with you about the conduct and purpose of meetings, etc.
I have spent the day reading the service manual. So far as I can tell I am doing nothing wrong. I have been in contact with WSO the whole way, as well as the help I receive here.
I will put principles above presonalities in this case and have all my Al-Anon tools handy as you suggested.
Oh geez doxie I am such a dipstick. I read your post and thought YOU were living in a room and not paying. I also read it as you started a new f2f, meaning you started going to one...geez Also that YOU were a charity case, and this woman LIVED above you and would get you outa there!
She was not comfy with you living in the room under her. I was thinking, how can she do that? Is she the landlady???lol lol
SEEEEE how strange I am?? giggle, no wonder I drive my A nuts.
Well just added nuts to his bananas...
anyway sometimes there are people who love to sabotage good things. So someone has to be strong and stop it. BUT nothing has happened yet.
Nothing has happened yet. My thought is, give it to hp. All you have to do is take care of your meeting like you are preparing to do. Do the meeting just like we are suppose to. If she crosstalks, at some point, don't point fingers.(visualizing everyone there at the table pointing at the mean woman) and say some reminders like,no crosstalk,and keep your share to whatever timing you want, or whatever else your manual says.
If she cont. to be, if she is, rude, then contact another group and ask how they would handle it. I have a feeling it is up to the moderator of that nights meeting.
I know my friend started a meeting and someone kept monopolyzing the whole eve. No one did anything and the group disolved.
I am so proud of you for doing this. What a wonderful service you are doing!! I will be thinking of you. love,debilyn
Wow, doxie, this woman sounds to me like the control freak from hell in my opinion. Alanon has no leaders and never will. You are free to start your own meeting.
Unfortunately, this is why our groups in my area are so small. There are some that do give off the better than thou attitude instead of we are all equals. This has chased many away from the alanon groups here and given people a bad taste in their mouth of what alanon is really about. It is sad but part of life. Be yourself and do what you feel is right. It sounds to me that HP is guiding you and using you to help others. cdb :)
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
Doxie the important thing here is that you want to help others and convey the al-anon message. Please do not let one person sabotage something that could help so many in need. Obviously she is a bit stuck in her own recovery. You should be proud of yourself and good luck. Luv Leo xx
Doxie, I see that you got good replies already. It's a good thing others have been level headed here :) I am so proud of you for overcoming other obstacles with establishing meeting, and I know you will handle this one as well. Hope you'll be really strong and do what you need to do .
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