My "a" called yesterday evening and let me know that he ended the relationship with the girl at work.  I asked all my questions the night before and he also shared more in the counselors office.  I asked how she took it, he said it was not pretty.  She was confused and felt he wanted the same thing as she did.  He said he felt like crap because he just hurt two people, me and her.  He said he would keep me posted on the atmosphere of the office today and surmise whether he needs to begin looking for another assignment.  Tonight after I get home from school we will discuss our plan of reconciliation, counseling, space, etc.  I asked him to keep his apartment for at least another six weeks because I really needed to have my space to work on my healing and sitting with what has happened.  He agreed he needed to do the same thing.  We both agreed to plan a schedule of when he comes to visit the kids, our time together, and any other overnight stays that we integrate and stick to that schedule to ensure stability for us and the children.  I've spoken to my family and let them know where we are at right now and that I would not be sharing too much about what is happening in our life as a couple right now.  I realized that I need to begin to think and respond for myself and not run to people because I don't trust my thoughts or instincts.  I think my instincts are pretty accurate, and the decision I made to give this another try and to continue healing myself feels peaceful. 

I will be exploring that as well.  I let my mom and Dad know that our actions needed to prove our words.  My "a" is overwhelmed by guilt and shame right now, he almost backed out of all of this yesterday while processing our tremendous outside influences can be.  I asked him to allow me to handle my family and trust in HP and this process.  I did not and will not ask him to get into recovery as a contingency on this reconciliation.  Been there done that, he will find out for himself when the time is right.  The boundaries will be on drinking and driving, and over spending.  He appears to be on board with that as well as his friends who have agreed to be designated drivers when they go out to shows and such.  My "a" has never been a daily drinker if he gets seriously drunk it maybe once or twice a month.  This program has taught me to stay clear of him when those times occur.  Light hearted conversation is the best approach with him, normally he's a happy drunk.  Once when he asked for the car and I said no, he got beligerant and yelled and stomped his feet like a child.  I felt good about putting the boundaries in place with my family and with him.  This weekend I'll be going to a woman's seminar to hear a very powerful speaker.  Don't remember her name right now, but she was addicted to heroin and sold it as well, one day her HP tapped her on the shoulder and decided to use her for a ministry of empowering other women to take control of their lives.  (Can't wait, they provide daycare for the little one's too). 

Thank you for all the posts yesterday, I'm heading all the advice that was given.  I have a plan B and C to fall back on as well.

Hugs to all!!

Twinmom~