The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
it is my anger then tears - that crazy out of control feeling...
my a, who is not living at home right now, but says he wants to, was meeting me and our 5 kids saturday for a day skiing together. on friday night he called to make arrangements to meet at the mountain, but then he said he was not going to meet us when we got there because (in my opinion a pathetic excuse) he did not have a pass to ski early so he would catch up with us later. so that left me to get all the kids ready to go - that is a lot of work (i don't want to exagerate how much work as the kids do a lot of the work themselves). i didn't say anything, but i was very upset about that excuse to not get up early and help. then when he got there instead of helping with the beginners he went off skiing with the older kids and then offered to help me with the kids after he got tired. but i didn't want his help. then at the end of the day, instead of staying to help and have dinner together, he took our yougest home with him so he could play with his cousin (that is where my a is staying). i agreed our yougest could go as long as i didn't have to drive to get him the next day. so the next day, today, i get the call, can i please meet his sister half way cause he has a lot of work to do, and oh thank you so much. i really had no reason i couldn't go other than that i was looking to have a little me time, so i went, but i was very resentfull and angry about going. i get myself so worked up i thought i was going to have a heart attack or puke. then tonight he called to say goodnight, asked if everything went ok getting our son, i just asked what did he mean, he can tell i am upset, but he doesn't ask about what or why, so i don't tell him.
so this is my problem, i get angry, i cry, but i hate that about myself and i think when i get that way i am not being a good parent and i hate that most.
i read so many of your postings and you have it so much harder than i do, i am very lucky and feel like i am just being a baby.
i know i should go to f2f meetings, but it is so hard to get away so i haven't been in a while, i guess that is all excuses and one more thing to feel i am not doing well...
well, that is enough for my first post, thank you for listening.
Don't get down on yourself for how you feel. And don't ever downplay your emotions either. Yeah, there are people who are worse off, but your feelings are just as important as anyone elses. Your hurt and sadness is not any less important than any other person's regardless of the circumstance.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate to deal with and you are in the right place for support. I know it's hard to get out to f2f meetings when you feel like you don't have a spare minute, that's why I come here. Don't feel bad if you get overwhelmed and cry. There's nothing wrong with that. It's a lot better than holding your emotions back.
I hope that by the time you read my post you are feeling a bit better. Please know that I am thinking about you and I am hoping that you have a better day tomorrow. Please keep coming back here because you will receive lots of support and love here!
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Just concentrating on getting through one day at a time.
Hello Quest , easy girl what u don't need is to beat yourself up . 5 children are alot of work cut yourself some slack. You have a right to tell your A how u feel when he keeps changing the plans ,just don't expect that it will change anything but its important that u say how u feel. When u do that u will be less frustrated and not take it out on your kids , I did that for yrs , We do the best we can . You are aware of what your doing and that puts u way ahead of some now u know what to change.
F2f meetings would be good for you , get u out of the house for a couple of hrs. are any of your children over 12 could they sit for you ? You need support and a hug occasionally , you will make new friends in your group and someone to call on a bad nite. Be good to yourself .
First of all I reckon you deserve a big hug for just attempting to get 5 kids skiing never mind the lack of help you got along the way. Try not to have high expectations of your A he will only fall of his pedestal and let you down. Next time you plan an outing work out what is easier for you. No point having the outing if you don't enjoy it. Remember you are an important person and your needs count. Hang in there. Luv Leo xx
Hello and welcome! You're in the right place. Your feelings are real and valid. Please don't beat yourself up, living with the effects of someone-else's disease is punishment enough! Remember, 'crying is healing' and 'it's better out than in'. Perhaps you could read the post "Why am I so angry?" by lilleah and the replies. Maybe the suggestions will be helpful or you'll find ways to deal with your own anger?
thank you so much everyone for your replies. i keep coming back to them and reading them over. it really helps me a lot. i am getting ready for next time... i will practice saying ... i feel...when... thank you!
This is what I thought about when I read your message.
You were talking about "but he doesn't ask about what or why". To me this is an expectation, when I expect someone to do or say something, I am setting myself up for disapointment. When they dont do it, I am mad at them, this only hurts me not anyone else. Know one can read my mind, I have to say what I mean, and mean what I say, and not say it mean.
Also, I have to remember to do what I want to make me happy.
