The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My counselor has been going over with me how much alcoholism there was in my family of origin. Last night (I am beginning to enjoy my dreams now rather than dread them) I rememberd going to my sister's house. My younger sister who I always felt I missed out a relationship with. I have not dealt with her very much in my adultlife. She has been merged with my elder sister on many many levels. I thought they had much in common. Now I am beginning to think I have alcoholism in common with them. I remembered looking at her photo album the album she carefuly chronicled events in. For her every Christmas was a drunkathon for them that is a sign of a "good time". In every picture everyone is drunk, move to the holidays my sisters took together. The holidays that I envied so much and thought I was missing out on. In every picture they are both drunk. That is their good time.
I think I learned to associate good times with not being in reality and then with the "clean up " afterwards. I do not see myself as an alcoholic but nevertheless I choose not to drink because I know if and when I am around alcohol I do not make good decisions. I have been in denial about the extend of alcoholism in my family and how I was schooled, groomed and habituated to dealing with it. I could not see it until a friend recently shared about the fact he never saw his mother sober. I have not seen my younger sister sober since she was 16. She is now middle aged. No wonder I am so comfortable being around people who drink.
Dear, DEAR, maresie,maresie, I feel i have to write this after reading your last few posts. I feel as if I'm reading a replay of my life. I feel and over having to live life this way. What we have to go thru and not know how to get more out of life than the struggle just to survive it. I had brothers that were like your sisters,etc.etc.
MY GOES OUT TO YOU AND TO ME !!!!!!!! We need and
I spent 40yrs caretakingfamily I couldn't fix.They started throwing me out me out about a dozen yrs ago. I didn't go along with their lifestyle, and I had to face my worst horrorsandfears. homelessness ! That became better than going back. So I left. I found out I gave them my precious life energy and they didn't get a thing out of it other than their self-serving needs were met by me and what did I have ???
Emptyness! Who was I, me, to have a life.
I went to programs and more programs and started up the mountainous jurne. started to shine and the fears of homelessness faded as I went thru it a few more x's over the next yrs. I found in unexpected places. I started to my life, for me and a new found HP, who is still there, helping me thru, every cliff and every mountain.
After a dozen yrs of being away from whats left of family, growing and weeding new gardens, here comes Katrina and then Rita. A supposed friend that I evacuated with, that was friends with decided to leave me at the same apt bldg in another town where my A-dau lives because she said it was the best thing for me, evenso she knew I never wanted to come back here. My A-dau is single parent of 2 and thinks the world revolves around her problems and not once acknowledged what I am going thru, JUST HELP HER !!!!!!!Then along comes xmas,she invites me over andA-mom is sittin' at the table.After a few days of here comes A-mom to my apt. to stay. Talk about a new take on things!!!!!
So,still here, today sits A-mom, crocheting, preaching how Joyce Myers saved her life,sipping on her wine. A-dau comes back and forth trying to get her back to her apt, with more mood swingson wkends kids are gone and during the week all 3 pile up over here sometimes for 2-3 days. Here I am with more mountains looking for the
As I was writing you this response, is for me too, my A-mom has to tell me something. I hit the wrong button and lost all the above. She tells me she was watching a show the other day and figured out what was wrong with us kids. Sezs she wasn't able to love on us kids all our life. And, that on the show they said "WITHOUT LOVE THE SOUL DOES NOT ENGAGE IN LIFE !!!!!!!"
I didn't think I could remember how to get all this rewritten and I felt so stongly about it, it feels like HP wants me to and is helping me ALL THE WAY THRU MARESIE YOU ARE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS, YOU DESERVE A LIFE TOO ITS NOT TOO LATE EVER
May prayers and wisdom lead you Many HUGS HP and the program are there for U
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 17:30, 2006-03-11
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 17:38, 2006-03-11
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 02:12, 2006-03-12
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 02:31, 2006-03-12
__________________
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
I see an awareness factor in you that is just getting more and more keen, more and more STRONG. (Not sure how to say that your growth is so ... Visible/ GREAT!) Hmmmm..I just did. Ok. ...... Your letting that good ol' HP guide and protect You. ((So Wonderfully.)) I love that your such a strongminded spirit! You give such touching insight every time I read a post or see you in chat. Keep on doing what your doing.... Let the rough stuff go.. Let HP have it and keep moving forward. Keep Looking uP! I have every Faith in You! So Glad your Here!! ((BigHug))
I find you a remarkable person! You are so strong to grow up with that and choose other ways for yourself! I can't imagine growing up in a home like that. It amazes me the way people react and grow from what they have been through in their lives. You know how children from one home can grow up so entirely different and have lived in the same environment, but somehow end up with such different lives! I do bellieve that life will always be a puzzle to me.
Dear mariesie, What an awareness! Your higher power is working overtime! I am still working through the denial I grew up with. Now when I have a hard time with "difficult" people, I realize that my usual response is based on relating to either alcoholics or to "flaming codependents" when I was growing up. Your sharing about your younger sister touches me, too. My younger sister - at 51 - is still in deep denial about her illness. It has taken me years of working the Program to view her with compassion. I always thought I had caused it some way. I have so much responsibility for others actions. Now when I think about my sister's drinking, I think she never stood a chance, and I can also accept the relationship we have as the one we will have. And I am grateful for having a sister at all. And I also have chosen to not drink for the same reasons as you. Thank you for being here. Blessings to you on your hard and deep work, mariesie. mebjk
I feel i have to write this after reading your last few posts. I feel as if I'm reading a replay of my life. I feel 
and 
over having to live life this way. What we have to go thru 
and not know how to get more out of life than the struggle just to survive it. I had brothers that were like your sisters,etc.etc. 
GOES OUT TO YOU AND TO ME !!!!!!!! We need 
and 
family I couldn't fix.They started throwing me out me out about a dozen yrs ago. I didn't go along with their lifestyle, and I had to face my worst horrors
and
homelessness ! That became better than going back. So I left. I found out I gave them my precious life energy and they didn't get a thing out of it other than their self-serving needs were met by me and what did I have ??? 
Emptyness! Who was I, me, to have a life.
my life, for me and a new found HP, who is still there, helping me thru, every cliff and every mountain.
decided to leave me at the same apt bldg in another town where my A-dau lives because she said it was the best thing for me, evenso she knew I never wanted to come back here. 
on wkends kids are gone and during the week all 3 pile up over here sometimes for 2-3 days. Here I am with more mountains looking for the 
. Ok. ...... Your letting that good ol' HP guide and protect You. ((So Wonderfully.)) I love that your such a strongminded spirit! 
You give such touching insight every time I read a post or see you in chat. Keep on doing what your doing.... 
Let the rough stuff go.. Let HP have it and keep moving forward. Keep Looking uP! 
I have every Faith in You! So Glad your Here!! ((BigHug))