My life has changed course recently in that I am working out there in the world. I can see how easily it is for me to get off course of my centeredness and much of it seems to be in picking up a resentment and not letting go of it. There are so many ways I can hold onto it. The way I get served at Starbucks, a slight disagreement with a cashier/server at lunchtime. The issue whether the bathroom is dirty or not.  The  issue of whether someone is a bit abrupt with me. What I remember and hold onto is the bad not the good. I try to now in my program hold onto the good the moving forward, the being in program.  Sleeping at night is a joy. I spent many a sleepless night in recovery reliving my childhood. Now when I have a dream about adult life it is such a joy even though it is so hard because it took me decades to get to adulthood.

Right now in counselling (what a gift it was for me to be prepared to go back to counselling I was so bitter that I had not achieved a cure) I am focused on my adolescence so I feel on the brink of exploring adult issues (and I am middleaged!).  I also feel on the brink of making plans for a life ahead and  being able to execute them rather than sabatage them.

But for right now the joy is in the details, the letting go the observing and the knowing I am finally on a path where I can grow rather than go around in circles.

Maresie.