The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now that I have gone from my cute little BMW convertible to a Nissan Pathfinder (and in the meantime inherited two grandchildren) I can stow a get-away bag and have plenty of room. When I had my BMW I couldn't even put both boys in the back like they should be. My seat wouldn't allow for both car seats to fit properly. Now that I have this Pathfinder I'm thinking I can keep a bag in there if I ever have to leave quick if my qualifier is out of his mind drunk and acting crazy. I'm not afraid he will hurt the children but he gets downright nasty with words and screams his head off. To me this is not a good environment for the boys of ages 3 and 1. My daughter is not into drinking or drugs as to why I have the children, she was diagnosed with severe depression and has a heart condition that needs surgery here soon...so I am taking care of them until she can get better...IF she gets better.
It seems as though I take one step forward and three steps back. I'm slowly drifting back into a dark, cold hole that has a constant dripping sound that will echo. I just want to scream! I do sometimes and for what? No one hears me out here...only IN HERE...within Al-Anon do they really hear me. I need to get back to me. I need meetings and friends.
((Tampa)) I hear you and would like to say that by attending alanon meetings and sharing I began to HEAR MYSELF. My inner voices, my negatve destructive, automatic voices, telling me of my self defeating view of the world and how I would interact with it
In alano i learned new constructive tools to live by and discovered ways to RESPOND to life instead of "reacting". Today I listen to the sitll small voice iwthin and am guided to a better life. Keep coming back
What you said, "only IN HERE...within Al-Anon do they really hear me" is so true. In Al-Anon there are people who understand and have experienced what we are experiencing. I was amazed when I found that myself. I learned so much.
I just want to say, you have a lot on your plate with two grandkids to care for, plus concerns for your daughter, on top of living with alcoholic behavior. It's very understandable to be overwhelmed.
I once kept a get-away bag in my car, and it did make me feel much better, although in the end I never had to use it. For myself, I was able to do planned get-aways rather than emergency ones.
Al-Anon meetings, whether face to face or online or by telephone, would be a great starting point. Friends can be found there.
(((Tampa))) - you do have a ton going on. Be sure to be gentle with you and enjoy those babies - they won't be that for long and this is (to me) the funnest stage - unreserved laughter and joy!!!
Hang in there one day at a time, one moment at a time!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you all for the replies! I'm hanging in there. My day consisted of literally driving around a little while with the boys to keep them occupied. Stopped to take a photo of one of my grandsons on a huge scorpion art piece made out of motorcycle parts, get lunch and came home for a nap and while they napped I did laundry. I will be preparing dinner within two hours. I need to find my two daily readers. I have found a couple of Al-Anon material books but not my daily readers. On the hunt ASAP. Thank you all again.
