The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for November 29 speaks about our incorrect ideas and opinions. It points out for example that many of us thought that being an adult meant we were in control, rigid, looking good on the outside, and not feeling what was going on inside and doing for others until we dropped.
Al-Anon opens a new way of life and living. The first thing that we had to surrender was control over others and the idea of control --it doesn't work. Surrendering control meant we were powerless and therefore set free to focus on ourselves.
"Looking good" was living in denial and pretend trying to impress other people. That is one of the reasons I did not like the slogan "Fake it until you make it". I thought that I had been "Faking It" my whole life I had to get "real" using alanon tools
We begin to understand that "Looking good" is not important. What matters is what we think about ourselves and becoming more human.
This honesty and gentleness allows us to have a real communication and happiness.
The thought for today is from. Al-Anon for the Adult Children of Alcoholics; "as I surrendered my imaginary power over others, I gained a more realistic view of my own life."
ODAT living in reality with courage, serenity and wisdom is such a gift of this program
What a great reading.....and so wonderfully timed as the holidays often bring out the worst in me as well as my FOO.....I can remember growing up in a family where we were never allowed to show our true selves beyond the home. We were hardly allowed to be 'real' in the home so certainly not beyond it. We went to church each week and gave the appearance of the perfect family. I can share that things were LTP - less than perfect, but I always felt as if it was 'me' that was not normal vs. the entire situation.
I truly wanted to be different, act different and expected different results. I got them - not at all what I hoped for or envisioned, but I did get different results. I also picked up a ton of anger, resentments, shame, guilt, etc. I always took on the blame and did not know how to fix or control any of it. This cycle of chaos/drama/insanity sure keep me thinking I needed to be more, do more and then ...
When I first came to Al-Anon, I did not feel worthy. Lovely people who were here before me kept telling me I was and telling me how much I deserved recovery and that I was worth it. I did not feel it, I did not believe it and I did not even know what they meant. This, for me, is where the fake it until you make it came into play......being able to feel worthy, and to stop wearing all that guilt/shame as it wasn't real either...
I am so grateful today that I can be me, in all my imperfect humanisms and it's OK. People like and love me exactly as I am, even when I am sad, mad or just quiet/reserved. I no longer have to look perfect, act perfect or be anything other than what I am. Most days, that's a reasonably calm person with a sense of humor. I am grateful I am who I am and for where I've been ... it has made me who I am today!
Thank you Betty for the daily and for your ESH!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
