The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Have started reading the messages on the board and I am seeing clarity as to why I am so angry toward my BF. His irresponsibility and lack of help around the house, and his lack of responsibility in general. He constantly asks me to do this and that for him and I jump and do it. Manipulation, verbal and mental abuse directed at me, feeling like I am on duty 24-7. Some of this can be directed at me for not setting boundaries with him and saying no...and looking after my needs. I take on his moods of depression and anger outburst and try and change him to be motivated, focused, energized, happy, ect. Since when is this in my job description. I am not his mother. I find I have to be careful what I say or he will get angry at me and raise his voice to me and when that happens, I become afraid, as I was in an abusive relationship that nearly killed me. Police were in involved and I had to go into hiding. I feel I am not being supported by him, rather put down and made to walk on egg shells. I am coming to see from reading the posts, that despite him not drinking he is very sick and I am back to feeling like I am in prison and scared! Fearful of making a mistake, fearful of his anger outburst, fearful of not having him around-despite his contact with his ex wife and other woman before he sobered up and I was in the picture, his gay past, to me he is a complete wreck still and I continue to take it on. I have a hard time letting this go...it goes against what I believe a decent relationship should look like. I believe I deserve a man that will treat me a queen! Not him having power over me and that is what it feels like to me! Just had to share this awareness!
Great awareness joker - love the sentence, I believe I deserve a man that will treat me a queen!!! Starting with that as your goal, and working on yourself with this program, I am confident that you can move forward, one day at a time with that goal in mind.
The great thing about Al-Anon is is teaches us that we can't change another, all we can do is focus on ourselves. Our attitudes, actions, reactions, etc. - that's what we can examine, modify and change. Beyond that, we work to accept that which we can't change and find our truth, peace and joy. You've realized now that how you are in this relationship is not how you want to be, so change it. Only you can do so.
Glad you're here and glad you've become aware of things you can work on! Keep coming back - we're just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((((Joker)))) read your post again over and over slowly and open mindedly. I read it with sadness myself and the sadness comes from knowing that it is not necessary...you don't have to be in this condition...there is no law that says you have to be as I learned for myself too and then I was and then I understood that I didn't know any other way to be and had to hang around the winners to learn how to. Al-Anon works...when you work it. Prayers being sent your way from a former victim.
