The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for October 29 speaks about" taking offense" when somebody says something unkind about us even if it is true. The reading points out that many of us use that same justification to criticize others, and ease our conscious and justify our unkindness by stating " that we were simply speaking the truth and therefore right.
It is suggested that we look at the slogan; " live and let live," and understand that I don't have to make another over in my image,"That is a powerful thought.!!
Although I never understood that this was what I was attempting to do. I can see now that my well intentioned "advise" and suggestions were really very invasive. The reading suggests that many times we do justify our insensitive behavior because we believe that we are RIGHT. Alanon suggests that you can respect another's right to make his choices, even when we disagree.
The quote is from, Peter Marshall;: "Lord , when we are wrong, make us willing to change. and when we are right, make us easy to live with."
I read this one today and actually cringed at the quote at the end. It really spoke to me. When I am right I am not easy to live with and when I'm wrong it can be like pulling teeth to get me to admit it....let alone change.
My AH and I have had countless battles for many years where I would try to explain how I was right. I've felt like being wrong or doing something wrong was so horrible that it couldn't happen. I'm starting to see how that way of thinking gets me nowhere and keeps me unhappy.
I love this C2C reminder, First of all having an open enough mind to see that I might be wrong was an effort on my part then owning it to another graciously took a great deal of practice.
Today, thanks to the Steps I think Ihave bcome humble enough to undetstand that I am an imperfect human being, and can give myself and others permission to make mistakes admit it and learn from them. That is what life is all about.
The quote jumped at me too - and it's because I have grown so much in this program.
I do love the easy slogan of, "Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?"
I have to laugh as my AH and I too have had many debates over the years on serious and silly things. I have no issue saying I am wrong when I am (now with program) but he has never said it....If he is wrong, what he will say is, "You were right."
This speaks volumes to me about how the disease affects the thinking of an A. Even if/when there is proof, admission of being wrong and affecting their ego is impossible.... Before this program, I wasn't fun or pleasant to live with in either situation and quite frankly beat many dead horses trying to prove myself and my 'knowledge'.
I am so grateful today that I am perfectly content to not engage, not argue and accept that I am an equal on this planet - sometimes right and sometimes not - and how important is it anyways?
Thank you Al-Anon and thank you MIP.....right-sizing my ego through the steps of this program is one heckova gift!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
...I do love the easy slogan of, "Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?"
I love this had written this quote in my journal today. I constantly need to remind myself that I must accept life on life's terms, not beat myself silly trying to bend life to meet MY terms. It can sound defeating, but the reality is it is the most liberating way to live. So much of my thinking is distorted and abstract and an occasion dose of simple and profound is quite necessary. I don't have to prove to anyone I am right, and frankly, what is right for me may not be for you. Not that there aren't laws of nature with universal truths, but only the things I can control are available for me to work with. Those things that I cannot change are not meant for me to tamper with and when I try, are a lesson in futility which will only end up exhausting me.
-- Edited by Bethany66 on Thursday 29th of October 2015 05:27:12 PM
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Al-anon has given me the freedom to not have to be right and peace when others do not like me, because at that point I am reminded to mind my own business.
Thank you for todays reading Betty and thank you MIP, HP and Al-anon.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
