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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> made it through, but. .
Post Info TOPIC: made it through, but. .
Theoceancalls


Senior Member

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made it through, but. .
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So after last nights blow up. . We did get through hoeever, the quiet "barbds" contued,where will you live, your name will still be on this mortgage, gonna take the dog right? , it just bothers me hecan be so damn heartless. . We both have said we want our daughter to stay in her school. So rentals here are few and far between to begin with. As it is im a little nervous about my name staying on the mortgage. . He claims its the only way the bank will write the mortgage. . His income alone isnt enough, nor is mine. That feels risky to me. ,We are still on the page of using a div mwdiator but he stll insists on counswling so we can "be friends and parents" through this. Im skeptical. Im wondering uf i shoukd consukt with an atty but right now stirring the pot would be awful. I dont want some atty to go after hin for all hes worth and reignite the fire . . .He claims he wants me to eventually be able to buy a house and wants a good homefor our daughter. But im scared that my name being in the mortgage, while he lives here will give him too muvh power. My temp plan is to live with a nearby friend until things settle and i can figure out my next move. My hope is to have a 3-4 split week custody plan. . He wont agree touch less. Im just scred. .Should iconsult withh an atty even if we stilll go the div mediator rte, how do i present things. . I know program tells me one day at a time but om having a huge challenge with that as imve been living this so long i just want it over . Im terrified about trying come up with a custody plan. . Being away from my daughter 40% of a week will be scary . . Last night after the fiasco. . Goodness knows what all he told her. She wouldnt talk to me. I know he bad mouthed my family. .Her nana and papa, and put me down good for refusing to work.on things i quietly kaughed as i cried when he SCREAMED i love you but. . And listed years if venom, .but i want this relationship to work. Is he crazy? He screamed i love you all while caling my family vile names, saying im a no goid judgmental taker and not a giver, that i was a cold heaet *itch in thebedroom. . But he loves me and wants a nother chance. Nope. So how di igo to counseling as that seems the only way to move him to go to thediv mediator. . I dont want some christian counselor(which he saysis who we will see) to tell be some scripture based reasons for stayinh. . Nit. So how do i agree to.go when i know he wants one thing, says another and i want out? Toanyone that has done this divorce thing help. .Oh and btw i dont



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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Theoceancalls


Senior Member

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btw, i dont want to stay on the house. . Far too many BADmemories nit to mention I CANT afford it. . He has bern. . Altjough my name is on thrmr mortgage which also us to kerp.it until he pays down principle or sells it. .Which will take forever. . Which yes will leave me living with a friend and when daughter comes to visit daddy it will feel like home. .
I know i need to.breathe. . Im just so.anxious, its way ive stayed so long. And yes, i do go to a therapist, mtgs are hard to.get to which is why i come hete so.ofyen.

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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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TOC this is all to complicated for either of you to resolve alone. He talks counseling and love and then attempts to manipulate you into submission by terrifying you over mortgages, and custody and daughter's school . I would disengage from all this and tell him until we go to a DIV Mod or you see an attorney you are not prepared to discuss or plan these issue. Staying on the mortgage when you divorce does not seem realistic or legal.
Your Health Insurer should be able to give you a list of in network counselors to consider. I would check that out today so you have a few names to present

Prayers for Courage, serenity and wisdom on the way



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
mjferg


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I remember a situation I was in and my sponsor said,"You can only have a tug of war if both people have their hands on the rope."It sounds like a very emotional,volatile, and exhausting situation,I wouldn't try to deal with the specifics right now but I think if it was me I would get myself out of the situation.I think I would just leave and find a place to live first,turn it over to your higher power and take some time to regroup.

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Mary
Jazzie18


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If I was in your position I would consult with an attorney. Never hurts to talk to an attorney and just to know your options. Best of luck and still praying for you and your daughter.

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Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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TOC - Prayers and positive thoughts continue from my neck of the woods for all of you, especially your daughter. My suggestions remain the same - meetings, program, sponsor. (((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
OceanTide


Veteran Member

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Many moons ago, my sister and I were elementary aged children living with an A father and step mother. Just be assured that as us children grow up, we do learn more about the truth. Please don't be the mom that always bad mouthed about the A to us because it hurts us. As adults we learn that some of the stuff was true but we didn't need to learn it so young. As adults we are greatful A father kept his mouth shut about the dirty laundry. Now we think mom looks foolish throwing stones in her glass house.

I understand your situation is different, just be strong for your daughter, and one day she will thank you for it.

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