The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
C2C reading for October 26 discusses the difference between reacting and responding. It points out that many of us.use a smile and kind words, .outwardly but our inner attitudes of anger, resentment and fear are expressed by our tone of voice and subtle actions The reminder suggests that when we are hurt we may want to strike out and hurt another but in Al-Anon we learn that we must interrupt this automatic response and decide.how we want to act. . Because somebody hurts me. there is no reason for me to lower my standards and behave badly.
When I take responsibility for my actions,regardless of the other person's actions I become someone I can be proud of. When I feel good about myself it's much easier not to take insults personally.
Quote is a Latin proverb; "if one throws salt. at thee thou receive no harm unless thou has sore places."
The slogans help me to interrupt my automatic negative thoughts long enough to respond with kindness and wisdom at difficult times. This is where :"Placing Principles above Personalities" (including my own, comes in to play. )
This is a great reading for today.....and the first thought that popped into my head was, "Fake it until you make it"...
When I first got here, my pattern for the chaos/drama was to react in kind mostly. At other moments, I seriously acted much worse. Neither reaction was positive or solution-based - each added fuel to the slow fire that burns in the alcoholic home.
For whatever reason, my fear-based response of years and years was wall up, armor on and ready for battle. I seemed to live with a defensive stance no matter the situation or the foe. It took a ton of program work to realize that was not the real me. The real me enjoyed laughter, closeness, heart-to-heart discussions, good friends and positive thoughts + right living. By being willing to look at myself and focus on me, I was able to change the way I am and develop different ways to act. When I acted differently, things changed. When my qualifiers pushed my buttons, and I learned to react different, things changed more.
It is through self awareness, self-work and keeping myself as program-centered as possible that I learned how to do and be different, and today, it is much more natural. I will admit there were times in the beginning that I felt I was biting my tongue, and when my qualifier left the room, I may have flipped a finger towards their direction. That was a coping mechanism to keep me from needing to be right, getting the last word in and trying to make sense from chaos. I now instead use the Serenity prayer or another tool to help me know that how they are and act is not about me - it's about them.
A great read and a great way to start the day! (((Hugs))) and happiness to all and of course, happy Monday!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
As always, everything I learned in life, I learned from my kids.
I am one big sore spot, and often feel as if I was born without skin.
I've winced as I've watched my in-laws refuse to give a band-aid to their 5 year old child because the tiny scratch he had wasn't bleeding and therefore didn't require one.
The insistence of the child became a power struggle that I assume was meant to "toughen him up".
Instead he walked away with a second injury that I know will leave a small but significant scar.
I have chosen instead to dispense emotional and material band-aids to my kids at any time they have felt injured.
The result is young adults with both tough skin and compassion.
They are not easily injured and are quick to dispense emotional band-aids to anyone they see who might need one.
How appropriate!! Quote is a Latin proverb; "if one throws salt. at thee thou receive no harm unless thou has sore places." Al-anon is helping be work out those sore places, indeed!!
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
