The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So now that ive said ENOUGH. ,my ah is being loving, helpful, begging for me to let him proove he will change andalthough i feel strong. . I die a little lore inside. I woke uo today and coukd hear him crying as im sleeping in a different room. I stayed away but its tearing me up. I do love theman but i have given up lost so much these past years that going back makes me as sick as leaving. I find mornings the worst. .I feel boarder line panicky and like i want crawl in a hole. I hate that hes so broken. . I knew he would. . His alc and lifetime of dsyfunction has severed many relatioships. . I leave, hes alone. . I feel so awful. . About it all
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
((TOC))) keep the focud on yourself, Know that you too are crying and in a great deal of pain for any years- Nothing changes if nothing changes.. Neither of you are alone --HP will guide you both in the healthy direction if you let go.
When I read your post I was reminded of the song :"Cry Me a River as i Cried a River Over You " and you have Prayers continue.
TOC, my AW didn't hit bottom until she was crying in a jail cell, without hope of bail. Then when she hit bottom, she did herself a favor and got to rehab and the AA rooms. Without that catharsis, she would likely be dead now, and our family totally broken.
He needs his catharsis. if he is crying, he is perhaps starting to feel. With that, he may go and do something about it, or he may wallow in it forever. But without it, he will just keep going about his merry way.
And if you are crying, you are also starting to feel. You are becoming more aware. We say it takes Awareness, Acceptance, and Action to change anything. The action phase can be miserable in these situations, but know that you are changing your situation and you will come out much better and stronger on the other side.
His crying eats me up. . And then he makes a statement like, i tried to.push HER out of my live. . Alc ablnd seduction won. I was wrong. . But this divirce will financislly ruin us. .And oyr daughter. I want to say, no. . Im already ruibed. . I woukd live ina box to get out if this. . And then he responds, "hoe can you hate so much. .dont you
See how sorry i am". .
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
TOC Yes, you see how sad and repentant that he is and you are not attempting to punish him .
You have been very sad, lonely and lost for many years as well and you simply need to disengage from this marriage arrangement , find peace , and yourself so that you can heal.
Positive thoughts on the way.
Recovery is a personal journey. If he chooses it, that's great and well worth celebrating. However, it is not the end all be all to repair a broken relationship. If you choose recovery, the same applies. Recovery is not about 'us' - it's about you and it's about him.
Recovery is extremely difficult in the best of situations. In one where there is still chaos, drama, begging, pleading, tears, manipulation, etc. it is almost impossible. You can't make him recover any more than he can make you do so. You both will need to let go of the other long enough to start recovery and commit to a different way of life.
TOC - just for today, why not let God handle this mess and go to a meeting (or a few). Take a break physically and mentally and be good to you. Let him do whatever he is going to do and take care of you. I know for me when the drama, begging, pleading, etc. was at it's worse, it was very hard to find anything positive in the environment. Removing myself through meetings, walks, church, store, etc. was a gift to me that brought me tranquility enough to focus on the next right thing.
You are not alone - recovery is a choice - choose that vs. where you are and let God handle the rest, just for today...
(((Hugs))) to you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I agree with Kenny - when your tears come, you are feeling your feelings. For a long time I did not cry and I learnt to welcome my tears because they were telling me that good feelings would follow soon.
Mornings have been tough for me as well - that uncontrolled first thought that arrives just as consciousness is dawning, arragh! I found a little help for myself by, last thing at night, thinking of a few nice things that I would like to do the next day. That way, when the ghastly thoughts arrived I seemed to have another more positive idea to replace it with.
Yes waking up to the reality of the situation is
soul destroying Especially if there is another
woman involved.
Why am i not enough? It does something to
you On a very primitive level of your being.
Alcholic or not that does not matter. That
Does not give him a free pass to cheat lie
and betray.
It took me a long time not to get that awful
feeling every morning. All you want to do is
bury your head in the sand And make it go
away. You Know that will not work Anymore.
All the cards are on the table this time.
Let yourself grieve. "Love yourself" and your
Daughter. This will be a long process no matter
How it works out. Let God love you to give
You the strength and courage for the days
Ahead.
Its not about wrong or right...Alcoholism is not a moral issue...it is a disease; a fatal one which will not discriminate as to who it will kill first.
Remind yourself about what you know about the disease and hold on to it...that is the truth and we need to hold on to the truth.
"Courage is fear that has said its prayers" which is only one encouragement of many out of our literature (ODAAT) that saved my sanity. If you have literature do literature therapy. Go to the indexes at the back of each book and pull up the subject that best attracts your spirit and read slowly with focus on what it is saying and suggesting and hang on the lessons one day after the other.
Best to start in the morning...I did and it helped tons. ((((hugs))))
