The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is not CAL approved literature, take what you like and leave the rest here. I picked this up at an open aa meeting, and it is from " the Moral and Spiritual Values in Educations, used by the Los Angeles City Schools as part of their educational program."
I found this really helpful in determining how "mature" i really am, and i thought i'd share it with you guys. Hope it helps you too.
"EMOTIONAL MATURITY"
"The mature person has developed attitudes in relation to himself and his envirenment which have lifted him above "childishness" in thought and behaviour.
Some of the characteristics of the person who has achieved true adulthood are suggested here:
1 He accepts criticism gratefully, being honestly glad for an opportunity to improve.
2 He does not indulge in self-pity. He has begun to feel the laws of copensation operating in all life.
3 He does not expect special consideration from anyone.
4 He controls his temper.
5 He meets emergencies with poise.
6 His feelings are not easily hurt.
7 He accepts the responsiblity of his own acts without trying to "alibi."
8 He has outgrown the "all or nothing" stage. He recognizes that no person or situation is wholly good or wholly bad, and he begins to appreciate the Golden Mean.
9 He is not impatient at reasonable delays. He has learned that he is not the arbiter of the universe and that he must often adjust himself to other people and thir conveniences.
10 He is a good loser. He can endure defeat and disappointment without whinning or complaining.
11 He does not worry unduly about things he can not help.
12 He is not given to boasting or "showing off" in socially unacceptable ways.
13 He is honestly glad when others enjoy success or good fortune. He has outgrown envy and jealousy.
14 He is open-minded enough to listen thoughtfully to the opinions of others.
15 He is not a chronic "fault finder."
16 He plans things in advance rather than trusting to the inspiration of the moment.
Last of all, we think in terms of spiritual maturity.
1 He has faith in a Power greater then himself.
2 He feels himself an organic part of mankind as a whole, contributing his part to each group of which he is a member.
3 He obeys the spiritual essence or the Golden Rule: "thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.""
Kinda got me thinking, i read this a few years ago, before i had throughly worked my steps, and i think i failed just about all of the questions lol. I pulled it out again today, just to read it over and so many of them i could say i had definetly improved on. It's so awesome to me that once i am honest with myself when i find a defect, i can improve it just simply by handing it over to my higher power and working towards my ideals of who i want to be. What a gift this program is!
Awesome post! Thanks for sharing this. I have learned some of this in my many years of counseling and been able to correct what was missing. I don' think a person that does not pass all of these should be hard on themselves. Alot of my emotional delay was due to past childhood sexual abuse along with my depression. In my experience some of us need counseling, alanon, etc. to be able to achieve the things on the list. Just wanted to share my own experience. What a great post! cdb xoxoxoxo
Trina: I have just started addressing the envy/jealousy stuff because in my family of origin my elder sister was literally left and given everything. She was elevated to an icon level. As she was abusive and beat me regulalry I did not get to express my envy and feelings of victimization then. So now decades later I am finding it interesting because the A and all his friends and his putting his friends first (above all else) triggered this incredible rage in me that was seated in the way my sister was treated.
I do think it takes some of us a very long time to mature and this is particularly difficult when one's family of origin was as psychotic and crazy as mine was. I do believe firmly that if I had not come from a family of origin like mine I would not be dating a's, marrying a's and working for dysfunctional people. At the same time in recovery, I can accept that this was my path and my path now is to work on these issues.
I certainly feel more mature than I used to and coming to al-anon has helped that immeasurably as did counselling but honesty and being willing to work on these issues helps me by the hour.
