The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My uncle (recovering A/addict) died over the weekend. He had so many serious health issues to to years of Heroin and A abuse that it was not totally a shock (even at 50). It hit me hard when I heard for 2 reasons. The first of course is because he was my favorite uncle growing up and he seemed to be in good health 10 days ago when I last saw him.
The second is a little tougher to pick out. I can't really talk to my A about how much it bothers me that his life was so limited by his adictions. She would take it very personally as if I were measureing her against him. She doesn't want to admit she has a drinking problem, but almost nobody compares to him when it comes to adiction. The stories would take hours to type.
He was a very smart and caring person, but he decayed into being a sickly hermit over the years. He would rage at everything at times, especially my grandparents and my father. He spent half his life in prison which was sadly a method of recovery for him.
Being new to the program, I was just starting to see that I had avoided him as much as he avoided everyone else. Didn't feel comfortable enough in what I was learning to go talk to him about that yet. But I really wanted to.
Just a mixture of sadness and anger at him and myself.
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
rtexas, I can relate to the sadness and the anger about the addiction. So many lives have been limited by this awful disease. I continue to see it in my family everyday. And it is also difficult to be someone who is breaking your own denial, because it can often cause a chasm between you and the rest of the family. My heart goes out to you on the loss of your favorite uncle. Blessings, mebjk
My sympathy to you and your family over the loss of your uncle.
It is horrible when someone passes becasue of this disease. Aside from the normal grief over death, there is such a feeling of waste, that it was unnecessary. That they can waste and yes limit the gifts that God has given them because of this horrible disease. It is awful to see the disease win, and another life lost because of it. When it is completely treatable and can be beaten.
Keep working your program, you can beat it and be happy.
I think it is natural to be aware of mortality when an addict or an alcoholic dies. It is also natural probably to compare that to the person who is causing you problems at the moment. My A has hepatitis C which is undoubtedly related to his issues. He continues to drink. I do not think he informs his doctors of this. He continues to use drugs (I am not sure what and sometimes I think I do not want to know). There is no doubt he thinks life is a burden (I did too I have to say until I came here).
I have often wanted to share my trepidation and concern with the A and with my A sister. Yet I know they will not hear one moment of it. So I come here to share it.
