The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can remember feeling ambitious, waking up excited about my day, having loads of energy. I dont know when all that slipped away? Now its all I can do to pull myself out of bed. I barely keep myself or my children washed and fed, and then only out of sense of guilt or embarrassment. I didnt see it coming. I just slowly lost touch with the part of me that was able to care, and I dont have a clue to find it again.........
Everyone thought we were the perfect family. We looked so good and behaved so beautifully in public. My friends used to say they wished that they could have my life instead of their own. I had so much to be grateful for. But something about my life just wasnt right. I couldnt put my finger on it. I just knew I wasnt happy..........
None of us come to alanon because our lives resemble the "happily ever after". We come to alanon because we are grappling with an assortment of problems. We hope to find some answers , but doubt that there is any hope to be found anywhere. Other peoples stories seem so different from ours that we may not recognize that we have anything in common with one another, But whether we realize it or not, there is a common thread. Each of us has been affected by someone else's drinking problem.
We beleive alcoholism is a "family illness" and that changed attitudes can aid recovery. There is hope.....................................................gardengal
Hugs to you gardengal.....I know that feeling of not being able to function. And it does kind of slip up on us. I think at first, when my hub and I first got together, the drinking was fun, and I either didn't see a problem yet, or I ignored it. It slowly got worse, and so did I, but still, I thought we would be OK. I started taking nerve pills from the Dr. to cope, but so does about everyone I know, so I thought that we would be OK, if I would just stop overreacting to the problems in our lives. I really loved my husband (still do) and thought if I just would keep the house cleaner, organize myself better, work harder, go to his friends' with him, etc. we would be OK. But, I finally realize no matter what I do, or how I am, if I am the best I know how to be, that is what I need to do. I do not have to be perfect, but I do need to get well. I believe the saying that often times we are sicker than the A. He can drink at night, and still get up and go to work. But, if I am upset with his behavior when he drinks at night, I cannot get out of bed the next day.
But, with the grace of God, and the help of Al-anon, I will get better. And my husband, who has left me for the time being, and whom I have not seen for almost 2 weeks, I am just trying to hand him over to God. And I do this constantly, every second of every day. It is only through Al-anon that I have found hope, and strength to do what I need to do. And, I have hope, that someday, we will be OK.
(((GG))) How old are your children - old enough to wash themselves and get themselves going? I hope you can find a reason to get a little more enthusiasm or get-up-and-go each day. Don't expect to be your old self, just an improved you now. Rely on the help of those around you when you need it. Please give yourself permission to take care of yourself and to let others when you don't have the strength. --Jill
Hi GG you know I think sometimes we just lose our spark and everything feels too hard and that is why we come here. Please look after yourself and if that spark is not returning go and see a GP in case it is depression. Luv Leo xx
Well, when it happens to me I usually don't even know. And then I realize that I have spent a week in my chair not doing anythng productive after work. I think that it is the ebb and flow of life. Maybe we really didn't have goals for ourselves just for our families. Lots of support here for those down times.
Thanks all,,however, I quoted this from "How Alanon works for families and friends of alcoholics". I felt the need to post this for people who are suffering in this manner, and to share that they are not alone, and there is hope. I remember those days , myself very clearly, and even today there are those days where I feel like doing nothing and sit and stare, letting the stinking thinking enter my mind. Then if that isnt enough, you beat yourself up later , thinking why did I just sit there and do nothing when there is so much to do? I have wasted many hours and days even weeks doing just that, and that is time that I "cannot" get back. I dont want to go back there again, so each day I try to accomplish something that makes me feel better. Afterall if YOU dont take care of yourself, no one else will...............
I remember those days gg. Feeling entirely hopeless and thinking this is the best I can do. Feeling like I had no choices. Some of those feelings were before Al-Anon, some a few years after, but each time I was presented with an opportunity to get to know my Higher Power. My Higher Power and I didn't have an easy relationship.....and it wasn't HP's fault....HP had a difficult and stubborn child to teach...me. I am reminded of a card that I had when I first started Al-Anon. It read; "My dear child, I will help you with all of your problems if only you will get out of the way. Love, God." Now how many times did I have to have that pounded into my stubborn brain!!! Love you all, SenoraBob
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Higher Power doesn't always wrap presents in pretty paper.
GG: Thank you for reminding me that I have to work to see the joy. Yesterday I did see a rainbow and I made a wish. I did not dare even wish for a long time. I have started going to counselling and being willing to ask for help. I also got a sponsor. I also got together a plan and I try to stick to it with baby steps.
I know I can go into a depression in a snap. Much of my life has been spent in depression watching endless tv and making up stuff about my need to feel numb. These days I try to deal with my feelings and it is time consuming and difficult and painful but I do it.
There is hope for all of us. Each one of us is at a different stage of our recovery, but each one of us are right where our HP means for us to be. I believe we will stay at that stage until we learn what it is he means for us to learn.
I can relate to what you put about how you are feeling. I am coming from the experience of suffering from chronic depression though. I sure hope you do not have that. It is always good to run the symptoms you explained by your doctor in my opinion. There are so many ways they can help us now a days. I will be thinking of you and sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. I do know however that people cannot just snap out of even situational short term depression. Keep us posted on how you are doing. My psychiatrist use to tell me to keep coming here because he saw how much it helped my depression. It was just a time in my life when that is what I needed. Now, I have other resources that work much better for me. I also can relate to the perfect family thing, although that had to do with my nervous breakdown 10 years ago. You have helped me so much in the replies you have given me over the years and I so appreciate all your posts that have uplifted me. Do whatever it takes to take care of you now. You deserve to feel better and to be happy. cdb (((((((gardengal))))))) xoxoxoxoxo
Another perfect family here that is about to shock everyone. I pull myself up for at least 1 hour a day of house duty no matter how I feel, besides the running of the kids. Gonna have to pick up the pace to start our new lives the end of the month.
Take Care,
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Now how many times did I have to have that pounded into my stubborn brain!!! 
Love you all, SenoraBob