The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had made a topic titled"Should I talk to him or not." NUMBER one...each and every one of you helped me keep my confused mind on a bit of a higher ground. Thank you so much. Interestingly enough I got my answer tonight.
My A (as high functioning as he is) brought homes stacks of supplies from a wholesale club.A half gallon of vodka was nestled in the cargo. Having seen his all week benders turn nauseatingly ugly as they progress into hard drinking..I panicked.He was already drunk from the day and once had told me to give him 'holy hell' if I spotted him buying vodka again. I questioned him as to what he was doing and came up with the half brained response of "it's for company"...we don't even have ANY freinds who visit.Then in his distorted reality and treating me as if I'm dense..he mentioned the bottle was the perfect color to decorate with. I'm not sure whether the tears which popped to my eyes were from rage,fear or both. He asked me again.."What are you crying about"..THIS time he said it extremely sarcastically and followed it immediately with "And don't you dare say it has anything to do with me,because I haven't done a damn thing to you." I exploded. I explained as calmly as possible in my anger that he had no right in asking me what my tears were about if he had the nerve to tell me what I'm NOT supposed to be upset about.
See, I've always been too thoughtful as to how my A would receive a response. I will do my best to wrap my brain around the easiest way to put things,if i bring them up at all. Once again this obstinate,selfish prick proved to me that that kind of thoughtfulness on my part is all for nothing. Most importantly with all of you emphasizing the importance of taking care of MYself instead of worrying over this A...I am able to get through the rest of this night,without spinning my wheels or wondering where he left to. The more I read...the more I think about it...the more I know I need to leave him alone in his slime of delusional sickness.
Just a vent...and thanks for reading.take care guys
I'm sorry that you had to deal w/ that. Ugh..... Your right they do not make any sense. The disease is like that. :(
Your being able to clear your mind and get some sleep and take care of you is a great step towards getting yourself better, no matter what he chooses to do.
{{{{RamzDear}}}}
Bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
First, I am glad you were able to get through last night a little easier. (((Really glad for you)))
Second, I am sorry for what happened. Don't even try to understand 'why' he does what he does. Just understand he has a disease and it is trying it's hardest to completely consume him. It unfortunately tries to take down everything and everyone in it's path. You can't stop it. You CAN take care of yourself. It doesn't have to consume you too. I know I sound like a broken record. i still repeat this to myself. i can quickly forget to do it.
