My sponsor frequently reminds me to focus on planning my actions - what I can do about a situation - instead of trying to plan the outcome. I think I do a better job of this now than I used to, but it is still a pattern I have the tendency to fall into.

My husband and I have been living with his father for a year and a half, renting part of his house from him, trying to save up for a place of our own. Recent changes in our lives have brought about the opportunity to move. These aren't the circumstances under which we thought we would move. In fact, we hadn't even thought about moving.  But, that's what's happening, despite all of our planning and assuming what we would be doing for the next few years where we are now.

The house purchase has been a lesson in patience. We assumed we would save our money for a downpayment, and when we were ready to buy, we would simply withdraw it and that would be that. It hasn't been that simple. We tried to withdraw the money and were told our accounts were frozen because we had not updated our address on the account when we had last moved.  What we thought would require filing a simple change of address form was instead much more complicated. Yesterday we were three weeks into the process, still unable to access our funds, and on a timeclock - closing on the house is in 7 days.

My parents and I, meanwhile, have been repairing our broken relationship little by little, in ways I didn't think would ever be possible. Today my parents and I are all active in our own recovery programs and individual counseling, and we actually talk about some things of substance to each other without pointing fingers or casting blame.  I had mentioned to my father what was going on with the house, but had not asked him for help. It wouldn't have occured to me that I could, honestly. Which is why I was surprised to get a letter from my father today, containing a check for the money I need for the rest of the downpayment and a note asking me to pay him back when my change of address paperwork for my own savings comes through. After I opened it I received a phone call from the bank telling me that our change of address process is finished, and we will have the money we requested from our own account in 10 days. Too late for the closing. The loan from my father is the bridge we need to make this happen.

I called him. He told me he knew I wouldn't ask for help, and he was afraid if he offered it to me over the phone I would refuse out of pride (he is right). I don't like taking things from them, which is why he termed it as a loan and not a gift. He reminded me he didn't have the relationship with his parents that would have allowed him to ask for help, and for most of my life he and I hadn't had that kind of relationship either.  He said if I felt like I could accept it now, he would like to give it, but if I didn't feel like I could accept it he would respect my decision.

Well, that was a monumental conversation..lol. One I didn't think I would have with him in my lifetime.

So I accepted. Things are falling into place. Our move is scheduled for March 18. I'm looking forward to a new start. And it's a new start like none I could have ever planned, hard as I may have been trying all these years to make it happen. I don't think this will be the thing that makes me stop tryng to plan outcomes. But it will give me something constructive to think about when I notice myself doing it...

Thanks for listening,

Kristen