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Things have been okay for awhile now, but the first signs of the cycle changing are starting to show. Last night, my husband was somewhat drunk. He was in his annoying stage last night. It's pathetic, but I know every one of his drunken stages. I know when he's been at the bar and been drinking stronger beer. Last night he was repeating the same stuff over and over again and would not shut up. This can be a touchy stage of his drunkenness. If I don't answer him and ignore him, then he will pout, sulk, and make comments about how unimportant he is around our house. Last night I did ignore him, but I told him I didn't feel well. (I'm possibly pregnant and I feel like I have morning sickness that lasts all day). This seemed to work. Anyone have any other ideas on this stage of drunkenness?
Very interesting... Anything past happy can be very frustrating in my stages below.
To your question of what to do ... I don't know. I listen to the productive stuff even if she says it more than once. If she is muttering and griping I try to change the subject or just go do something else. Is that right? I have no idea. It makes the A in her mad that I do that.
I would think each person has different stages. For us it is roughly the 7 dwarfs...
For My A:
3 drinks - happy
5 drinks - playful
7 drinks - horny
9 drinks - spiteful
12 drinks - remorseful
15 or more - angry
Of course then - sleepy
So you can pretty much script my evenings. I get home somewhere between playful and horny. Then spiteful starts poking at people so we begin to have small meaningless arguments. Remorseful then takes all the blame for that and everything else that has ever gone wrong around our house. Then Angry changes her mind, reminds her that nothing is her fault, someone did all these things to her (usually me). I give up and go to bed, then sleepy catches up with her and we start again tomorrow.
I can see where detaching with love will help with spiteful and angry. Havent figured out what technique to use with remorseful.
I used to really like having happy, playful and horny around with only drinking tea. I am so messed up right now that I wouldn't know how to act.
One day at a time... Trust yourself. I am so new at this that I just do the best I can and figure "it can't be worse that what I was doing without the tools of Al-Anon". Even if I do it wrong for a while.
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Same as all stages don't bite. If he's looking for n argument a simple YOU COULD BE RIGHT OR SORRY U FEEL THAT WAY often stops the conversation in its tracks. Detach with love and have a nice nite. Louise
I am pregnant and am going through that all day MS stuff. That ALONE should earn you a medal of some sort. I appreciate your former posts and hope I can be a halfway decent source of being able to relate..sometime.
That stage huh? I can relate too well. Yes, up until now I really never had an outlet to discuss that "cycle of change". It IS pathetic. My A (usually a gentle soul when more sober than not) takes on this "Superman" complex where he feels smarter than every single creature on earth.He also figures that when I try to ignore him in his drunk stupor I'M being dramatic(in my silence,mind you),not caring about his feelings or going through some hormonal imbalance. No one appreciates what hard work he does do and everyone in his life only focuses on the negative. It makes me sad when I realize that now I'm grouped in with everyone he used to complain about when we first met.
I guess what I can't stand about this stage is the fact he looks at ME and is convinced something is wrong with me...and takes on the attitude that all will be OK once III get my 'act' together. It's ridiculous.It reminds me of being a big, strong kid on the playing field and being pestered/challenged by this little annoying tiny,grimy pain in the ass. You know you can't wail on the little guy. You know you are a better person than to stoop to levels beneath you. But DAMN, they make it hard.
This part of the cycle is a very good reminder to me to continue to seek you folks out. I'm not alone. It gets ill after a while because you start feeling that maybe you ARE the only one with a problem...since you're the only one who seems to be complaining. I know this for a fact because I was raised by what would seem to have been a most hateful A mother and had nothing but strings of A mates. I was other peoples' A myself. I refuse to crumple under another A's demented tantrums,damn it. And THANK YOU for reminding me of that fact!!
sounds like you are at least making light of what could be a lot more painful if you didn't have a playful attitude about it all. Thats progress. Congratulations. I haven't been to this board in a while since I couldn't remember my screen name, lol, so I don't know much about any of you . How long have you been in al-anon?
Hugs
Aly
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If you keep on doing what you have always done, you will get what you've always gotten !
I hope when I was talking about the stages of my AH's drunkenness I didn't come across as arrogant or like I know more than he does. I know I'm not perfect and I know I can be moody at times too. Everyone has different moods. I guess the difference is that I don't use a substance to change my moods. When I am grumpy or annoying or something, I can usually see that I am in that stage. When someone who is drunk is grumpy or annoying, they don't usually pick up on the social signals around them that the other person doesn't appreciate it or they do pick up on the signlas, but exaggerate the response of the other person. Perceptions are all off for the person who is drunk. Way off, in fact. I just didn't want anyone to think that my moods are always perfect. It's a lot easier to control moods when a person is sober than when they are drunk. I hope this makes sense.
Dear one, go and get yourself a home pregnancy test. The results are important in how you proceed. It has been my experiences that attempting to talk to a drunk is fruitless. Leave the house or go into another part of it. Let him pout and sulk. No words of yours are going to affect his state of drunkeness or his moods. You take care of YOU!!!! Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
