The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A has "behaved" for quite some time now. Maybe it was because I stopped paying attention to his bad behavior and just appreciated the good times. But lately, I have had a rough time with my business and I have been having trouble balancing home and work. Amazing how the A's just can't deal with another person's troubles. At first, he was like the night in shining armour, doing so much around the house to help. He tried to be understanding of my bad moods and lack of sleep. But it started to be too much, for him. Last Friday, I had a bit of a melt down...laundry was out of control, groceries need shopped for, the house was a mess, and I had a situation at work I needed to focus on. I got up at 5 am to get handle on the house, and he asked if I was getting up early to spend some time with him before he went to work. I simply replied, "only if you want to help with laundry". This was the final straw, I guess, for him. That night, he proceeded to go out after work and stay out all night. My son's birthday was the next day and we were supposed to take the kids snow tubing...he didn't come with us. I chalked it up to experience with an A, and let it go. But today really got to me. He was called off from his job early due to weather. I had to work and had a doctor's appointment afterward. He offered to go grocery shopping and be home for the kids to get off the bus. I was relieved. But yet hesitant. Around 1:45pm...I got the call...the tone of voice was all too familiar. I calmly asked where he was and if he'd been drinking all afternoon. He of course exploded and call me ungrateful. But I stayed calm and said he didn't have to worry about the kids, I would arrange for them to go to a friend's house after school until I got home. Of course, everything was my fault...but I know I did the right thing. When I arrived home, he was "asleep" on the couch, my kids had a great time at their friend's and my instincts proved me right again. I just wish I could listen to that little voice in my ear that says "Give this up- it will hurt you more"...but I feel stuck. I love this man...and he love his booze. And when the going gets tough...he gets drunk. My kids are pre-teens and I have done everything in my power to keep their distance from the reality of his condition...but I know that can go on forever. He is not their father but we have been together for 6 years and they love him tremendously. We never married because of this disease. But I know it will eventually effect them. I will just pray I do the right thing for all of us.
So sorry you are going thru this right now. Alcoholics drink because they are alcoholics and not because of anything we may say or do. Sounds like you are doing great in keeping the focus on you and your children. Hang in there and keep working the program...your doing great!
Love in recovery,
Shimo (Jeri)
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The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
My A can "behave" for quite a while and then he gets stressed out and the drinking gets out of control again. He has not stopped drinking, but he does control it better. When something goes wrong, like the furnace breaking, he hits the bar and stays there all afternoon (he's been laid off for a couple of months now). He can't handle any little bit of stress. Mine gets all mad too if I ask him if he's been drinking. The up and down of this gets tiring, doesn't it? The wondering if they're sitting in the bar, the possible blow ups that we have to deal with etc. It all drains my energy. I'm sorry that your son's birthday wasn't what it should be. Whenever kids are effected, it bothers me the most. I wish you the best.
