The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things have been stable for my A and me; we're actually getting along pretty good and he hasn't been drunk in the last few weeks. Of course, he's still drinking, but he thinks he can handle it. My guard is down and that's when things fall apart usually. My A can't handle any stress without running to the bar. Think of the stress a baby will cause! I can see it already: me stuck at home with a crying baby while he's out at the bar (with the neighbor lady) having himself a great time. Normally having a baby is supposed to be happy, but all I can do is imagine me fat and depressed like it was with my first husband and my son. Don't get me wrong, I love babies and children, but I also know what it's like to be at home all the time while the husband is out with friends, drinking and having a great time. I can remember some of the worst depression I've ever had when my son was a baby. I'll find out tonight if I'm pregnant for sure.
(((Lindy))) My thoughts are with you tonight. I don't know any girl who hasn't sat staring at a stick with her heart beating a mile a minute. Whatever happens, may you be pregnant or not, keep it or not, know we are with you. I don't have any children of my own, so I can't weigh in on how hard or rewarding it is. Just know I will be wishing for your happiness.
__________________
**Everyone is doing the best they can from day to day**
I have had six children with an alcoholic husband. Okay maybe I am not too bright, maybe I'm a good Catholic, I don't know. But I don't regrett one moment of it. During my last pregnancy almost three years ago, my husband and I where seperated during most of it. I was over 40, had gone diabetic and had a few really bad scares. The little munchkin came two months early by C section. The people here and at f2f meetings and some close friends got me through it, with love and support. I do not regret one second of it. he is my little miracle and my preciouse gift from God. It was not easy and my husband was horrible, and he knows it, but Conner was worth every anxiouse moment and every tear.
During that time, I learned who my friends where. I saw my older children give love and support that still amazes me. My 16 year old (at the time) son with only a permitt actually drove me to the hospital, no one else was around. It is still one of his proudest moments, and as his Mom one of mine as well. I learned how strong I was.
I pray the results are what you want you want them to be. Just know that whatever they are, you will be okay.
Hi Lindy, I know right where you are coming from. I used to wonder if I was doing the right thing. In the end I never regretted having my three children. I am sorry that their dad turned out to be a loser, but I also think that if I was not having and raising his children, (my original A's) , some other creature at the bar would be havbing his baby and not even know whose it was! They might even terminate their drunken pregnancy, leaving my ex-lose A childless. lol, there might jsut be some unclaimed kids out there of his , how would I really ever know. Scary thought..... So what I am really saying is that I feel good about having and raising these kids. I love them and they love me right back! I AM having problems with his children repeating some of his destructive behaviors. My youngest son cannot ever drink, he cant' stop when he gets started and turns into a monster when he does. Fortunately he has a handle it 90 percent of the time. He abuses drugs also, but plays the same games with them. Sort of like a ticking bomb. My daughter has emotional issues, she is the oldest. She is also divorced adn a single mom. Her depression comes and goes, rather bi-polarly, if you know what I mean. She sees a counselor and stays of all drugs and alcohol. She finds that even medication meant to help her has an adverse effect on her. ( All the side effects times 10.) This brings me to my middle child, age 23. He has just recently returned home from jail. THIS time it was for one uninterrupted year, way up north away form all of us, AND his 3 yr old son. Last night he had some friends over, my other son included, and they were smoking CRACK in my basement. I found all the evidence, but no one will fess up to it. I am not your average stupid parent....Am I supposed to be happy that my son is not drinking, but smoking crack? omg...
SO..... if you're pregnant be happy. I am worried for you tho, cause you just might be doing a LOT of the maintence alone. MY A never even so much as paid for a haircut for one of them. I hope that you don't think I am trying to be a downer. I am just sharing with you what it was like for me. MY A was a horrible father. I love my children. They were conceived out of love, even tho that love turned into something very bad.
On another up side to me being pregnant, THAT was just about the only time I was physically safe from my A. He would not touch a pregnant woman, or harm me if I was holding a child/baby. Came close, but it never happened. I hope that you are safe from your A too. I bought books about being pregnant and loved every moment of it. (all except the sickly first trimester, lol). They said , (hospital staff) , that they should have made a movie of my children's births. I had the whole thing DOWN! Mother earth, mamasan, etc!
We are all here for you. Geez I hope I didn't upset you LIndy. WE all love you 9in here.~mamasan
