The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone! Lately I have been feeling this way towards my AH. Simultaneous mixed feelings of starting to trust and then the I can't trust you hits. I can't really declare how I feel about things. Nothing is going wrong or is horrible, it's just weird. The other day his Probation Officer showed up on our doorstep unannounced with someone she called her traveling partner in tow and I asked to see that persons credentials, because I got the odd feeling and based on some things she said this person in tow was a friend of hers and not a government employee. I got the smack down on I have no need to see credentials, she doesn't lie and I should trust her. Ok, you answered my question then.
I get irritated, anxious and angry when this criminal stuff keeps popping up in my home. I didn't do the crime and I am tried of paying the price right along with my AH. These kinds of things that keep cropping up, I believe are the source of my ambivalence. I hope these mixed feelings pass soon.
Has anyone experienced this type of feeling. You want to support, be happy with, be a team with etc. your significant other, but you just can't throw yourself into the can of worms, swallow the koolaid and be all peaches and cream?
__________________
Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
Yes, I most definitely have experienced this dilemma. I know life comes with conflict, but how much is reasonable and how much is the disease is my confusion. And I have definitely dealt with people who mock my perceptions as you have experienced in your case. At least today with the program, I know that someone can disagree with me but attacking my character is not acceptable and says more about them than what is 'wrong' with me. Thanks for sharing.
For me, I noted that I cannot be half of a team of 1, and when my wife is active in her disease, she can't even get close to the field, much less be a member of the team. So, I feel like emotionally and in practice, I am a team of 1, which isn't much of a team. I WANT my wife to be a partner, to be part of the "us" team, but I also have to recognize that she is not able to do this. I struggle with this every day. And, I find that I slide toward enabling and disappointment again when I agree to "compromises" because we are a "team". The thing about compromises that I keep forgetting is that compromise doesn't mean that someone gets everything they want while the other person gets nothing that they want. And, I surely am tired of paying the price of my wife's addiction.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Hi Linda~I can relate to your share. I guess I suffered for about 8 years watching my A drink and deny, lie, sneak, not come home, etc. I've been in alanon almost two years now. I stay open to the possibility that my A can change, but I no longer expect it. All that led to was hurt, disappointment, resentment, etc. After 8 yrs of addictive behavior, and very little work done on changing, I am a fool if I expect something different. I have learned to take care of and enjoy myself and my life with or without my A. I want to be as healthy as possible, and my A will or won't get healthy. It is not my job anymore, to impose what I want on my A. I resigned, and it's great! Lyne
