The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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level.
I wish that I didn't have to remember things from the past. My cousin was available to me for a long time. Now her daughter has learned that I won't tolerate her the way she is. I can't change her I know but our belief systems are very different. I wanted to be close to her but what I see in her is not healthy for me. I can't seem to get through to her mother. I have not been able to reach her at all. Her sickness is very apparent. And her daughter is so angry. She has no clue how to deal w/ mental illness. I have tried to support the daughter & made calls quite frequently. I have done all I can for her(the daughter). I just want to hear good news & I want to hear it from MY Cousin--straight from her mouth. I am not so sure if she even wants to write.
So, the daughter is backing off now. She wants no calls from me. That is fine by me. She will someday discover I hope that she is powerless. I am working on not letting me take it personally. I am not going to let them know that I have to let them go until the air is clear. I see that I need to butt out & let them deal w/ the mess.
Any suggestions? I think I covered it all. I hope you all see that I need support.
Kathleen, it sounds like this is a hard decision and a hard time for you. It also sounds like you are doing the right thing for you.
I have, through the years, had to have no contact with my parents and my sister. They were not always as supportive as they are now. That decision was a hard one for me, but one that I needed to make in order for us to enjoy the relationship we have now. Our belief systems, too, were very different at that time. They were pretty convinced that I was going straight to hell because of the way I live my life. My grandmother ended up bridging the gap after a few hard years. Her take on the difference was: "Sometimes I wish I weren't a Dego. Who wants more pasta?" That always brings a smile to my face.
At the time, I struggled to stay true to myself and to act as honorably as I could in accordance with my beliefs and my value system. I didn't have any contact with anyone in my family, except for my grandmothers. I told myself that I couldn't let contact with my family hold me down or drag me down, and that we all needed time to heal. For me, distance helped us heal, and our wounds that we inflicted on each other stung less with time. This time allowed us to later have difficult conversations that allowed us to admit how our words and actions had intentionally or unintentionally hurt the other and begin to re-establish our relationships.
I hope the same will be true for you.
Sarah
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
