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I would LIKE to say a recovering alcoholic , but am not sure
She SAYS she is , is doing all the 'right' things eg attending AA , PLUG , inpatient rehab etc , seems sober and says she has stopped drinking and doing well
I thought she was making progress but am not sure now
My Grandson is in foster care , 7 years old with special needs
I miss him a great deal as was HIGHLY involved in his life , had him for weekends , school hoildays , babysitting , stayed over to help out etc and loved every minute with him and we are extremely close
It has been 9 months now with him being in foster care and up till January my DD was definitely still drinking but then from February things 'seemed' to start to improve and our relationship slowly got better , not 100% , but better than before and a lot of the trust was rebuilt
I was asking social services if I can have my GS but they said they do not want to move him and that they are giving my DD a chance and I have not been ruled out , it is only if she fails her parenting assesment that I may be needed
Things seemed to be going well , they were talking about more priviledges for her etc , like I said she seemed sober etc and that things were getting better , so I stayed over at her house for the first time in 9 months with my new puppy because she wanted to meet him
We were having a good weekend until she said she was popping to a friends house in the evening and then came back 2 hours later DRUNK , so is drink driving again too
It was like everything is the same as it was before , she went straight to bed and passed out to the point she fell off the bed and slept on the floor
Next day she was still drunk and slept a lot and I came home
We did not discuss it but I am UPSET
At this stage of ''potentially getting her son back'' she should NOT be drinking if she is taking it seriously BUT THIS HAS SHOWN ME what a serious problem it is and how deeply addicted she is as nothing else matters it seems , at the time anyway!
She is doing all the right things 'around' her drinking it seems , does well on her visits with her son , is sober on them and attends all of them now , seems serious about doing everything she can to get him back but in the past she admitted that INCLUDED LYING
Seems like nothing has changed and she is still drinking yet trying to pull the wool over everyones eyes and doing a VERY good job of it!
I feel conned , hurt , disappointed , shocked , angry , upset , worried , fearful for my GS's future and of just HOW MUCH of a hold alcohol still has on her which is what concerns me
So I have to concentrate on the welfare of my GS now and my OWN welfare as it felt like I was ''back in the nightmare'' again and on that ROLLER COASTER again which I do NOT want to be on
I just TRUSTED her again for a while and really thought things were improving , that she wasn't drinking and that she was doing really well in her recovery but it feels like just one big cover up now and she is not talking about it , just wants to carry on like nothing happened!
I am just going to carry on with my life but the trust has gone again and I am concerned for my GS and his future so THAT is what I am going to concentrate on as she is an adult and responsible for getting her addiction sorted and am fed up of those around her suffering because of it including her lovely son and the rest of the family too , including her sister who is devastated she is still drinking as she thought things were on the up too , it could have been a ''one off' yes but it didn't seem like it , it seems like she is still addicted and still drinking and other family members think she has been drinking all along and just putting on an act but I was well and truly fooled then! And so was her sister and it is harder for us as we thought things were getting better and my DD would get her son back soon so we could be REUNITED as a family but that is a long way off it seems
Thank you , I need to have a cry today with the disappointment and false hope as it hurts
But then I think I will feel a lot better and can carry on as normal with my life
It really helps to come on here and get it off my chest and find support from people who truly UNDERSTAND
It is comforting and a breath of fresh air actually because it is a difficult thing to discuss with people who DON'T understand and the advice on here is top advice because it PROTECTS you and you know you are doing the right thing even if not everyone would understand it , it is just RIGHT for us and for EVERYONE in the long run not to be an enabler x
I understand your heartbreak, Nannynoo and sympathize what you are going thru. My son is an alcoholic and thankfully I don't have any grandkids involved. He has been in and out of hospitals and rehabs too many times to count. As far as I know he is currently in a halfway house but hasn't been in touch with me or his family for close to a year. I pray daily that he comes to grips with this awful addiction as I miss him and the relationship we had.
(((hugs))) to you and keep coming back. This place has helped me so much!
It was SO horrible to see her drunk again as I have not SEEN her drunk like this for around 9 months
Have smelt alcohol on her breath at a contact visit and she has gone home early twice due to ''tiredness'' ie a hangover but to SEE her like that again was a terrible thing to see after so long as 'hearing' about her still drinking ie over Christmas and New Year was DIFFERENT than actually witnessing it again
It is also very sad It is a terrible illness with a terrible hold on people and it is awful what it does to families and it is a roller coaster 'ride' for sure but I do want to get off the roller coaster and sail along my own calm water to health and peace so that is what I am going to do
I mustn't beat myself up about getting sucked in again , it is normal to want things back to normal and to feel more secure in the relationship when things seem to be going well , still a bit in shock though but have to deal with that and then put it all behind me!
Rose it is like we lose them and get them back only to lose them again and losing them to their addiction ( again ) is HARD and I do pray we get them back for THEIR sake let alone anyone elses!
My GS loves his Mum but he has a right to be protected from her if unwell or drinking
We also have a right to stay on our path of calm and peace too!
It is heartbreaking. I know how hard and stressful and painful this must be.
After what I've been through, I'd never let down my guard and assume that recovery might be ongoing until after 1-2 years with no relapses. It is that powerful. Even after that time, I'd be cautious.
I hope you can get to a face-to-face meeting. No one should have to go through this without massive support.
