The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good afternoon, this is my first post so bear with me. I have attended 2 of the on-line meetings and received a lot of benefit, so I am hoping that just typing out my feelings may help me get to a better place. My AW is just recently out of treatment and I am struggling to determine how to cope with some of her behaviors.
For the most part she has been doing great, attending her IOP's, going to one or two AA/NA meetings a day, doing her assignments, and getting out of the house frequently. She has started Yoga, which she loves immensely and generally seems to be in a good place.
My problem is that I see some behaviors that she used to have while she was using. She sleeps a lot and naps all the time, not a big deal in general, but when she intentionally stays up all night I start to get worried. This is something that she used to do a lot while using.
I know I can't control her or her choices, I just feel torn because I have been raising our 3 yr old daughter and 13 yr old son since our daughter was born while she decided to use. I know I can't expect all of these changes all at once, that she needs to focus on her recovery, but It just makes me so MAD. I have been busting my ass for the last three years working a full time, high stress project management job, and she gets off with because she "just got out of treatment". At times I still feel like a single parent with all of the streses, and she wonders why I still get in bad moods.
For Example it is 541pm and she stated earlier that she was going to cook dinner tonight to give me a break, well at this point dinner is not going to get cooked. I have decided that I am not cooking, I am going to grab my camera and go out and get some fresh air and try to calm down. If the kids havent been fed by the time I get home then I will make something for them.
I dont know if I am being irrational but I do know that my stress levels are increased right now. The more I think about it the more upset I get.
I am gonna go out for a walk and when I come back I will come back and post my thoughts, hopefully by then I will have a little more clarity.
((Matty)) Welcome Glad that you shared and decided to take care of yourself. That is what program is all about. Posting here and attending face to face meetings will offer many benefits to you as you move through this difficult time. You are not alone.
Keep Embracing your FTF meetings it is there you will
Break your isolation caused by the disease. You will
Learn new tools. Loving detachment and healthy
Boundaries. There is so much to learn, listen and
Absorb for our emotional and spiritual recovery.
Your AW journey Is her own journey. Her go To
person will be her AA sponsor. Your AW is going
Thru a lot of changes. It will take most of her energy
And focus to stay sober and grow in her program.
It is going to take time.
I understand, I've been there. I've had to delegate some stuff to the kids, on an age appropriate level, and I've had to let some things go, like any cleaning beyond the basics. It's very frustrating and feels unfair. I love your idea to get out and do something you enjoy for a little while. It never occurred to me to do that, but I'm going to try it the next time I'm feeling like a single parent/maid after a 10 hr work day.
I really get where you were at! I like how you recognised you were MAD and can self-soothe by taking a break out of the house doing something you like. For me, that's detaching with love and focusing on your own recovery. One thing I have learned since being on this program is that it takes time and practice. Good on you! It works when we work it.
Just a thought ... it seems that your focus is entirely on AW and it should be on you and the children. Let the chips fall where they may with AW's recovery and concentrate on your serenity and the care of your children.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
