The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been isolating because I have been feeling low. I tried to go to a couple of f2f meetings but turns out that I am recognisable and that made me feel like I shouldn't be there. Like many of you, I work in mental health and it is so hard that we are expected not to participate in these programs because we 'should know better'. A few years back when my mother had ovarian cancer I took my family to a cancer support group and the facilitator told me I shouldn't really be there and offered contact with me via emails. Forget about the fact that I am a human with the same vulnerabilities and emotional needs as anyone else!
Has anyone here had this experience and got any suggestions about how I could possibly manage this so that I don't have to miss out on f2f meetings? One thought is that I put a wig on lol or use a different name (which feels dishonest and doesn't sit well). Ho hum...
On an update note, my partner in crime is still drinking heavily and I have been trying hard to work my program. We have some good days but they are few and far between and I notice his illness has progressed a lot. He has gained a lot of weight, complains of bloat and stomach pain, looks dreadful and his memory is fading. He still has personality change and gets nasty sometimes, especially if he drinks bourbon. If I say nothing he tries harder to bait me or else thinks I don't care about him and if I suggest going to a doctor or AA he says I am being too controlling. I can't win so mostly I just shrug and say he needs to do what he feels that he needs to do. Lately, he has been struggling with my boundaries around his black outs. When he is on a bender, I just remove myself or if he is planning in advance to drink big I ask him not to do it around me, and he hates that but I say that I have the right to choose not to see him when he is doing that as much as he has the right to drink until he blacks out. He thinks I am being a bitch, don't love him etc etc but I don't take it on board.
I think that I feel low sometimes because I grieve the loss of what could have been. I still fall into the habit of trying to justify and explain why I am detaching and setting boundaries. As hard as that has been to learn to do consistently, it helps a lot when I detach with love and keep my boundaries and has really improved my confidence. Reading the C2C and ODAT on here also has really helped. I try to read these posts every day to get myself in the zone. So a BIG THANK YOU to Hotrod for these.
Sending hugs to all. I think that if I get more involved here on the board and go to some online meetings more often it could help pull me out of this dark hole I am in. See you all around then
So sorry this is all happening. You deserve to be free to be in those rooms as much as anyone. Here's a story that might help. My longtime therapist, who was wonderful, freely spoke about how she went to 12-Step meetings. At the time I was not in any need of a 12-Step program, but when I realized my H was an alcoholic, I remembered her example and got myself to Al-Anon. Like her, in taking care of your own emotional health by going to meetings, you're not only doing what's necessary for you, you're a model for others. I don't know how to get rid of that feeling of self-consciousness - but heck, maybe you could use your middle name or something? All I know is that the meetings are there so that those who need them can be in them.
-- Edited by Mattie on Saturday 28th of March 2015 03:21:00 PM
We had a woman m.d. come for awhile. That was
A little different but i did not know her and she had
An ah with young kids. She freely admited to being
a doctor. People did fawn over her so they did treat
Her different.
You have every right to be there. It might be more
Your worry than others. I could care less, I care more
If there is someone i know that is not real trustworthy.
Mostly it is people i do not know that is fine by me.
The only qualification is that we have a friend or relative with a problem with alcohol. I don't recall of hearing something that disqualifies us after we are qualified. Perhaps you need to find some different meetings.
I really think that cancer facilitator meant well and did not realise the damage she was doing by denying my right to go to a support group with my family. I have since learned that there were people in that group who would have liked me to be there as it made them realise that everyone has vulnerabilities regardless of their qualifications and that helped give them a kind of acceptance, rather than thinking they lacked something.
Kenny, I think that I need to find meetings in a city away from where I am located. It will mean about an hour's travel each way but I think it will be worth it for the peace of mind that I will have not just for myself, but for those who may feel uncomfortable if they recognise or hear of my involvement with al-anon.
I'm a counselor and have worked in rehab. I've been in meetings with former clients too. It is what it is. I need the meetings. I wouldn't even be a counselor still if not for the program. I'd be dead probably. My own mental health is a priority. Also, I think all counselors should get counseling of some sort. What we do is draining and difficult and we also need to tend to our mental health the same as we would to other areas of our health. If I don't do that, me promoting others to do it is just lip service. I was a counselor both before and after AA/Alanon and I can tell you that my skills are sharper after for more reasons than I can count or name.
