Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Getting close
Post Info TOPIC: Getting close
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:
Getting close
Permalink  

I am getting close to a settlement and divorce. Ah is finally getting ready to deal. He would not before

hoping he could squeeze me. I am a lot stronger now and standing my ground. I  was the wild card

He was hoping to take advantage Of And push around. I have a good Divorce lawyer. I am still

being lenient but tough At the same time. i was not out to destroy him but get a fair settlement

after 29 years of marriage.

 

As far as my recovery goes i am on the cusp of surrender. I feel God tapping his foot saying what

are you waiting for. I think i am waiting for the feeling of being safe and settled. Which hopefully

will be at the end of april or early may. If all goes well I should get my own little apartment closer 

to town where I work. My really deep healing and growing will begin When I am free And go no

contact. This has been a very painful and terrible 12 years with my ah.

 

He is no longer the man I married or even remotely know anymore. His disease has progressed even though

he is dry. It is a very sad and scary disease of mind body and spirit. He thinks he is doing just great and

being brave and righteous. He comes from a  long line of the disease some of them have a rotteness in 

their souls. He is one now or i did not see it before In him. I like to think we had good 17 years together even

though it was an dry alcoholic marriage. I could be very wrong but it would be nice to have some positive thoughts

of our marriage. The marital bond is still very strong in me so i struggle constantly. My pain and hurt is still 

pretty Intense.

 

thank you all for helping me and holding my hand during my dark days and times. i definetely have learned the art

of reaching out for support and accepting love and concern. 

 



__________________
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Dear Mirandac I have walked this painful walk with you over the past few months and marvel at your courage, compassion and wisdom . Thank you for being here. HP is walking with you

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:
Permalink  

Thank you Betty! I feel my HP more and more each day
As i get emotionally and spiritually stronger. My life is
Still a struggle but i cry much less and for only short periods
Of time now so i am moving thru my grief.

I am going to divorce care for the second time probably
Will be there for the third one as well. I need as much
Love and support i can get. Both programs have profoundly
Helped me to heal my inner self and feel Gods loving
embrace and support surround me and also in me as well.



__________________
Skorpi


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1095
Date:
Permalink  

(((Hugs))) to you. I know this cannot be easy, and I have to echo Betty: you are really an inspiration.

__________________

Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
Permalink  

You are da bomb! Seriously, I have trouble wrapping my head around divorce after 29 years and how you describe being stuck in 12 years of it as a horrible rut. I'm glad you are here to show folks how to keep showing up, suiting up, facing life, and moving forward.

__________________
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:
Permalink  

Thank you both for you support. I thought i was letting him face
His demons and deal with his own problems when he came ashore
full Time. He also lost his identity. Things just never got better only
progressed into emotional and verbal abuse. I believe now he has

hated me for a long time. Its sad to Have to admit to that.


Actually i feel bad for the guy and hope one day he wakes up before
He takes the next drink because he can not face life or himself. He is
Trying to save himself thru relationships but no inner work. His mother
Is his enabler and codependent. No one in their family is really emotionally
Healthy. His mother still defines the families reality. It is truly a family
Disease. This is the 5th divorce in their family.

We kept all the bad stuff away for years and lived a fairly healthy
normal life that started Having cracks in the foundation. Both of us
Needed recovery from our family of origin issues. He is still unwilling
Even after 4 years in AA.

I will be at peace soon and have my much needed serenity!



-- Edited by Mirandac on Friday 20th of March 2015 01:38:28 PM

__________________
Jaclyn


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 167
Date:
Permalink  

Sounds like you're doing very well, despite the immense pain. I know we have had a bit of previous correspondence so you know I am going through an abbreviated (similar) version of what you are and very much relate to the despair and misery. Know that you're not alone - and you help me just by being honest and open in your posts. xo


__________________
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:
Permalink  

Thank you jaclyn. Keep digging into you so the next
Time you dont find a wounded bird. Heal your inner
Self first and get emotionally healthy.

My family of origin was tough like so many others.
We find what is comfortable for us and are use to.

You are young, i wish i started alanon thirty years
Ago. I would not be in this mess right now at the
Age of 58. I believed in my commitments and vows
To a man i thought was a good man and husband.
I was wrong and feel very fooled and hurt.


__________________
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5075
Date:
Permalink  

Such a powerful awareness miranda. I get the sense that you have accepted what is and you are free. For me the denial or my unwillingness to accept what was kept me weighed down in the mess desperately trying to weave the lies into truths. Just letting go of that is like learning to breath properly for the first time. You sound so good and your words are like a lovely bar of cbocolate for some reason, could just be me. Im  ot sure. Awakening is a gift and youve got it.x



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Getting close