The material presented
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New to Alanon, but not MIP. Well, the struggles of my teens(2) drug use has worn me down. I removed my daughter from my house on 1/1/2015. My sons(16) use progressed to a daily basis. The symptoms are all there: lying, isolating, anger and his world getting smaller. He can't wait for me to go to a meeting or leave the house so he can enjoy his pot. I watched him the other night selling drugs right on our road. So obvious. I took his cell phone and computer away. I got back from a meeting and the house reeked of pot. Smoking at me? Very defiant individual.
I was doing well with detachment, but the last three days have overwelmed me. I feel sad, then angry, then fear, then lose faith and then lose hope. Not a comfortable spot to be in. Started attended an Alanon meeting which I really enjoy and continue with my AA meetings.
I've tried to talk with him. He's not willing to admit there's a problem. He won't be driving the car until I see change. I'm working on taking care of me. Feel better today and realize he's in God's hands. Any other suggestions? I don't want to enable him, but realize I can't squeeze too tight either.
Mike, all the kids I work with are potheads. They repeatedly try and sell me their distorted thinking in the form of "It's good because it comes from the earth"...My reply: "So do cyanide and arsenic. Why not do those?" Or..."It's legal in places" Answer: "Not for minors and just because it's legal doesn't make it good. You can legally huff paint thinner and go brain dead." The kids get frustrated but I know they hear me. I can't repeatedly come after them with "drugs are evil" because they are too far gone for that. I try and get them to at least evaluate if they are able to recreationally use or not and explain the difference between recreational use and abuse. They usually respond well to "There is a big diffference between taking a hit or two at a party and smoking 5 or 10 blunts a day. One is recreational and the other is abuse." All and all, it helps that you are setting the tone. The kids who tell me their parents don't care or who smoke with them even...I have far less hope for.
Sounds like you are doing great to me. You are giving him consequences, your home and your rules... He has to live with the consequences of his behavior. Also you are feeling all your feelings, going to meetings and turning it over to your hp. Sounds to me like you are working a really good program.The only thing I would add and these work for me is..if I'm feeling stressed between meetings, I pick up the phone and call a program friend who understands and will listen. I also turn to my Alanon literature when I need to, usually readimg the first three steps or whatever topic in the back jumps out at me. I will need to remind myself for the rest of my life, I'm powerless over others and their choices. I can only control me, and most days that's enough. Prayers for your serenity.
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
Hi Mike, welcome to the Al-Anon side of MIP. I'm glad that you have found and attended an Al-Anon meeting that you feel comfortable in.
No need to tell you that alcoholism is a disease over which were powerless. In Al-Anon we finally accept the reality, that we didn't cause it, can't control it and cannot cure it. The best we can do when interacting with this addiction is to learn how to focus on ourselves, take care of ourselves, and allow others the dignity to live their lives while trusting that HP is in control.
All this is not easy and attending face-to-face meetings, getting a sponsor, working the steps and using the slogans all help to change our attitudes into constructive positive actions.
Having a child enveloped in addiction is extremely difficult and I can certainly identify with your feelings.
You're not alone and there is hope. Please keep coming back.
I also think you have done fantastic with boundaries and consequences. For some reason,your share bought to mind a very old friend of mine, whose father gave him 20 pounds when he was 12 years old, shook his hand and wished him luck in the world. My friend set off the carribean on a ship, learning to cook, was taken in there, and ended up a tiler, travelled the world, spoke 7 languages, all while maintaining his cockney accent. He'd be 60 odd now. The point I guess was, a little tough love entwined with faith is sometimes the making of a person. Not in the same methods of course, but the essence. Keep on keeping on.
