The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Someone told me, I think that it was on this board but I can't be sure, that because of my wife's being a long-timer in Al an, that I am eligible, even though my family lacks any addict or abuser. I've had my own therapy for 100 years so am skeptical of my need or potential benefit from going a 12 step route. I have no problem with her doing her thing (and it has been a tremendous benefit to her), I just don't see why someone might think it helpful to me.
Anyone who has been affected by alcoholism (or another addiction) is eligible for Al-Anon and can learn some useful tools there. You don't have to know the alcoholic personally to be affected by their addiction. The alcoholic doesn't have to still be in your life. Alcoholism spreads its insanity far and wide, often farther and wider than we realize, because we tend to lose perspective and think "That's just how things are."
I have seen therapists for many years, collectively, and found great help in it. (And not so great help from some not so great therapists, as well.) But in my experience Al-Anon offers different tools. Very often therapists say they can help about the effects of addiction because they've done their studies and they know the theory of how it all works. But I never found a therapist who really "got" it. They'd make silly suggestions that didn't pertain. I didn't look specifically for a therapist that had addiction experience (personal experience of addicts in their circle), rather than just a diploma, so that was probably part of it. But Al-Anon offers support from people who've walked the same road, and a lot of very practical tools to use when things get tough. In my experience, a lot of therapy is about getting a deeper understanding of how things work, which is valuable but not always immediately helpful when you have some kind of alcoholic crisis going on.
The standard advice is to try 6 meetings, because every one is different. My first few were so pointless and dull that it took me a long time to get involved again. Wish I hadn't waited all those years. So I'd suggest that you go along and see what you think. If you read the threads on these boards, you'll also get some idea of what the tools are and how they're used.
I am by far not an expert, but I think that having an open mind and having some relationship with an alcoholic or the aftermath of living with an alcoholic is all that is required.
Speaking for myself, I can say that, because I have an alcoholic in my life, my responses to things are not normal, and my responses do impact other people, whether they know my wife or not.
It could be worth considering, and hanging around or attending face-to-face meetings while you are thinking about it. When I listen, I find I learn a lot, even if the exact circumstance being discussed is not identical to mine.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I have been in therapy for years. I was not raised in an alcoholic home.
I was told that FAMILY and FRIENDS of alcoholics are welcome. I am sure you have someone that's technically a qualifier for you.
I find that some of the stuff really helps me.
give it a shot. go with an open mind, listen... try more than one meeting and give it AT least 6 meetings.
finding serenity and letting go with love (loving detachment) works in ALL areas of my life from home with my AH, to dealing with my non A-exH to my stupid boss and work.
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-- ladybug
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
It's called a "family disease" for a reason. The dysfunctions associated with alcoholism (or any -ism) are very mobile and pervasive within family trees. My parents were not active alcoholics; neither were my grandparents. Many of my grandparents' siblings and/or spouses were, however, and I can check off almost every item on the ACoA "laundry list" as a result.
Al-Anon has something of a stereotyped reputation as consisting mainly of "wives of alcoholic husbands." Due to the nature of the disease, it reaches much farther than that. Being a man with the family situation described above, I can attest to that. I can also say I am in gratitude each and every day for the fellowship.
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