The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There are only three people I have told about my husband's problem. I can barely admit it to myself most days. We"ll have a good stretch of time and I think, well maybe the worst is over, and then something happens and I feel upset again. Last night we were home watching TV and his eyes got red and I felt like he was completely tuning me out. I couldn't decide if he had been drinking or not. I just felt alone and paranoid. Tonight he tried to tell me a story he told me last night. I said, oh right, we talked about that last night. He just said okay and changed the subject. I could tell he had no recollection of our conversation. It made me feel like I had been right about his drinking. And that made me feel so much worse. I know I'm not supposed to care whether or not he drinks. But I hate that I think about it and worry over it so often. I feel so stuck in this pattern but I'm scared to make any moves. I'm scared to bring it up with him and I don't know how to detach when we are living in a small house with two children. I depend on him for so much.
Alma you are a newbie and at that place where when I first got into the program I had to listen, learn and then practice practice, practice until I started to get it. Some get it faster and some not and I got it in my own time. There is tons of help and support in our program to help you get it and what you have to do is come back often and follow the suggestions. You will be glad you did. (((((hugs)))))
I don't know about you shouldn't care. I care very much about my son . It's more about accepting the things we can't change, the drinking. That doesn't mean put up with unacceptable behaviour. I can't live with drinking so I dont. I don't try to stop the drinking, it's not my responsibility. I can only change me.
Are you attending ftf meetings. They will save your sanity And help you break out of the isolation from the disease of Alcoholism.
Thats where you learn the tools of loving detachment and Setting healthy boundaries. You learn self care, self love And self acceptance. It is a me program all about us healing From within.
alanon is focused on you and what is healthy for you not him. Your ah needs to help himself. You need to help Yourself to live Emotionally healthy with the help of your HP Holding your hand
giving you strength and love. We are a support group of equals.
-- Edited by Mirandac on Monday 16th of March 2015 09:56:54 AM
Welcome Alama, Attending alanon face to face meetings will help you to learn how to take care of your emotional, physical and spiritual needs while living with the disease of alcoholism. You are not alone and the anxiety and concern that you express are normal for a person interacting with disease.
By attending meetings we are able to break the isolation caused by living with the disease of alcoholism and obtain new constructive tools that enable us to live with courage serenity and wisdom.
Please know there is help for you. Please keep coming back.
Hi Alma! So glad you are here - you will love this forum. First, know that you are not alone! ( I can so relate to the AH telling the same story the next day...ugh! The A's behavior can be so frustrating on so many levels! ) the great thing about Al Anon is finding out that you are not alone and using the experience and information from others that are going through the same thing. Also many of the slogans are great for memorizing and using to calm yourself down when you are really frustrated. What I am learning (and I must be a very slow learner or I'm just particularly stubborn) is that I did not cause this, I cannot control or change this so I need to start focusing on how I can make myself better. I backtrack on a regular basis, but the more time I spend in Al Anon the more peace I seem to gain. So glad you are here - keep coming back :)
