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I am rather new to all of this, so I was wondering if someone can explain the term "dry drunk" to me. I am hoping my 26 year old daughter stops drinking and gets her life on track, but will it just be her not drinking but still having the same issues with her? What will she have to lie about if she's not drinking?
I guess I just need some clarification on how after years and years of not drinking, some people still call their A's "dry drunks"? Are they behaving badly or will you just not let them get over their mistakes? Maybe they are just crappy people and we cannot blame it on alcohol at all.
What makes someone a "dry drunk" as opposed to a person who has recovered from abusing alcohol?
Not meaning to offend anyone. These are just things I think about. :)
HI and welcome... I am new to Al-anon and my AH is newly sober and new to AA as well... to me "dry drunk" means I now can't say
"please excuse my husband he's a drunken a**hole"
now I can only say
"please excuse my husband he's an a**ole"
he is sober and yes he is working and making progress... He STILL interfaces with the world with the same anger and stupid behavior and demands as he did when he was drunk.
This is how Al-anon helps me. Now that he's sober I can practice serenity by not buying in to the bad behavior. (many can do this with an active A I could not due to how he behaves when drinking)
Getting sober is the first step... dealing with the issues that drinking masked is the hard work.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 13th of March 2015 10:13:05 AM
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-- ladybug
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
Hi Pamala Welcome -Alcoholism is a three fold disease. It effects the spiritual, emotional and physical parts of a person and once the drinking stops that still leaves the emotional and spiritual parts untreated. Here is one definition of Dry Drunk.
Dry Drunk Syndrome Defined:
The term dry drunk is believed to originate from 12 Step recovery groups. It is used to describe those who no longer drink alcohol but in many ways behave like they were still in the midst of addiction.
The dry drunk may be full of resentment and anger. Instead of finding joy in their life away from alcohol, they can act as if they were serving a prison sentence. The only change this person has made is to stop drinking, but in other respects their life remains the same. Friends and family can complain that the dry drunk is almost as hard to be around as they were when drinking.
In AA, they describe it as a person that hasnt touched alcohol in years, but have not yet managed to get sober.
We who live with the disease also have been affected in the same manner and need our own program of recovery Alanon is that program. Attending Face to face meetings and posting here will help you recover.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 13th of March 2015 10:32:00 AM
when my wife decided that she was going to be serious about recovery, her inpatient center told her about two kinds of sobriety. One was physical sobrity - congratulations, you aren't drinking. The other was emotional sobriety - congratulations, you aren't acting like you would rather be drinking.
Really emotional sobriety is fixing the core issues of why they started picking up the bottle in the first place, the goal really being that they don't have the desire to pick it up anymore, because they learn other ways to cope. They learn how to live life on life's terms, without resorting to some behavior to "make the world go away" and be able to deal.
This can also help them to not pick up a new habit. I have a friend that stopped drinking for awhile, but all he could think about then was landscaping. It was crazy, he went from being the life of the party and always drunkenly yelling out "another bottle of wine" in the restaurants, to being the guy that would come up and say "Hey, don't you think a wegela or a nice spirea would be a good planting on that wall over there? Yeah, my kid's fine, but you should think about a burning bush over there by the steps...". Still not sober, but not drinking. One was marginally less annoying than the other...
my wife has tried a few times to be physically sober, but was convinced that the drinking itself was the only issue. She lasted 6 months one time, but was a dry drunk throughout. Because the alcohol was the issue, and she wasn't drinking, she didn't need to worry about dealing with any emotional issues that she had been trying to mask with the drinking. She didn't need to work on her anger, her anxiety, her depression, or her panic attacks, because she wasn't physically drinking. For her, this made it hard to stay physically sober (a beer and a shot was her go-to fix for a panic attack) and did not address the habitual responses to situations she had developed why drinking, trying to hide her drinking, etc. Now, she will go a day or two without a drink, but always returns to "needing" alcohol to "calm down" or "deal with x." And, she will go to any lengths to get the alcohol when she "needs" it.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thanks for the explanation everyone. It makes sense more now. So, I would think that being able to go weeks and weeks but then when something emotional happens, either good or bad, and having them go right to the booze, would be considered a dry drunk.
Skorpi, your comment explains my daughters behavior exactly. She does not have panic attacks but the rest is spot on. She cannot imagine a life without it, so even if she gives it up for while you can tell she's white knuckling it.
I sure hope she finds ways to cope before the worst happens. It's weird that she will say right out that she has no real reason for drinking, she just lives for that buildup to that first swallow. After that though... it's all downhill and she cannot stop unfortunately.
My ah has been dry for 30 years but is not emotionally or
spiritually sober. That is a dry drunk in AA lingo.
Go to ftf alanon meetings you will learn so much. It breaks the
Isolation the disease causes. There are three daily readers you
Can buy, each one is 12-14 dollars.
Alanon is about helping ourselves get better in spite of the
Disease. Its about self love, self care and self acceptance.
There are other parents in ftf meetings but it really about
You and how you can change yourself. They teach you tools
On detaching with love and healthy boundaries to keep your
Serenity not the alcoholics. It is a me program.
The addict needs to help themselves get better you can not
Learn their lessons for them.
Good on you asking and listening...for you cause the responses you get will not help her one bit...only you and you understanding. Learning about the dry drunk syndrome for me took along time. I got stuck in the "if she stops we will be fine" idea...the only problem is the chemical. I'm glad I hung around the lesson and learned so much more because they helped me to get the understanding I needed.
The alcoholic becomes changed mind, body, spirit and emotions from when they assign themselves to the chemical and the addiction to it and then they become different how they see life and respond to it. They become abnormal, different than you and others. They see life and hear it and respond to it differently and if they stop just the drinking they are left with the thoughts, feeling, believes and actions which they grew with in the addictive drinking...they are dry (without the alcohol) drunking or acting as if only the booze is left out. To the friends and family and associates this is often maddening because no real change is present yet it seems that there should be because booze is not apparent.
Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions and all levels must be treated or no real recovery is present.
Alcoholism is a learned behavior therefore in order to be truly sober the disease must be unlearned...in the mind and body and spirit and emotions.
Dry drunking has often been witnessed as "no change in and of the alcoholic" though the alcoholic hasn't had a drink. For me witnessing the phenomina early on was crazy making until I learned to accept what I was taught by the elders and then it didn't bother me. She was dry drunking...let it go.
If she doesn't fully get in to the program and come to understand the depth of the disease she has chances are she will not fully understand and arrive at the level where she will and can participate with full responsibility.
Best thin for me was to learn not to enable her condition it and to leave her full sobriety to here. For me and the alcoholic addict I was married to it took 5 years after I left and stopped participating on any level and after she found sobriety on all levels. The family was still a disaster. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
Not sure how much insight I can shed but my ah has been dry for 100 days and is a dry drunk. Up until 2 weeks ago I was at my breaking point because he acted so mean, grumpy, selfish and negative. He has improved but his mind is so warped about some issues. He has "triggers" that cause him to act just like he is drinking or hung over.
