I need support - Al-Anon Family Group

acey3303 · Newbie

I need support

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Welcome acey

I'm sorry for the disappointment and uncertainty you're feeling right now. Thankfully, you've already found Alanon meetings and are familiar with the program. You're supported and cared about here. One day at a time. (((hugs))) TT

ladybugnessa · Senior Member

Hugs I am glad you posted.

I hope you can find serenity... I'm so new at this all I have for even newer folks is hugs that I get it.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Acey Welcome to MIP and I do so understand your anger and anxiety. Remembering that alcoholism is a progressive, chronic disease helped me to not take the action and behavior personally.

Knowing that I did not cause it , cannot control it and cannot cure it helped me to understand that the only action I could take was taking care of myself.

Please continue to attend alanon face to face meetings because it is here that I learned how to respond to the insanity of this disease while taking care of myself.

Living one day at a time, focused on myself, placing principles above personalities and connecting with others who understand as few others canl helped me to direct my actions in a constructive manner,

Please keep coming back.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi acey, welcome to MIP. I have been angry before, for stupid decisions. Anger is an emotion, and we all need to feel it now and then. We need to feel it because it is one of the emotions that can stir us to change. Once you have felt the anger, the next question will be what are you going to do to ensure you don't feel the need for anger again? In other words, what will you change so that you won't feel that anger driving you to change, instead feel serenity that you had the courage to change and are on a path that is right for you?

Put another way - it sounds like he has declared that he is gonna drink. What are you gonna do?

Going to meetings, learning to detach and live one day at a time, and learning to respond to our feelings are all great things for you to learn. I'm glad that I did, that's for sure.

Keep coming back here too!

Kenny

Skorpi · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Acey, and welcome!

It sounds to me like he has made the same declaration that my wife made a week ago: I am going to drink. (She had been sober for a couple weeks after crashing her car and a hospital stay.)

Kenny poses an important question: What ARE you going to do?

To answer for myself right now: I am going to go to Alanon. I am going to take care of myself, I am going to take care of my bills, I am going to graduate, I am going to take care of my pets, I am going to make decisions that are good for me.

And, I am not going to worry about what to do about my wife at the moment. I feel like I need more time in my program before I will be ready to make a decision about my relationship with her. In the meantime, I am working on detaching with love, and not enabling her to the best of my ability. She has consequences that she needs to deal with, and I am trying very hard to let her deal with them.

I hope you keep coming back!

LedfootJenny · Senior Member

Hi Acey,
I'm sorry this relapse happened, it is heart breaking to feel like someone we love would choose the bottle over us.

He made a poor choice, but you have the power to make a positive one.

I hope you choose to love and care for yourself, that you turn your focus to you.. I hope that you keep coming back to MIP and Alanon, where there is a way to feel un"stuck" and to find healing.

Please be gentle to yourself. We all say "I should have known better". But love is a matter of the heart and often leaves our rational head out of the loop... I think we've all been there. In recovery, we can find a way to love and make good rational choices, uniting head and heart.

-Jenny

acey3303 · Newbie

Thank you for the kind words. That is part of what I have grown to love about Al-Anon, Im not alone!

I will choose to detach (might by skimpy on the love part, lol), take care of my dogs and move forward one day at a time!

Jerri

tortuga · Senior Member

Dear Acey,
i know how you feel, I have been there. What helped me was, that one day I was tired of feeling angry, and tired of letting myself downthat I took all that energy (anger is a lot of energy!!!) and I transformed it into something worth living LOVE!
love for myself, love for the little things, love for the places I go, love for the air I breathe, love for the people who stick around and understand love..
guess what!? It made me automatically move away from A, for I moved towards positive vibrations. away from anger, deceit, disappointments, lies, broken promises, lost hopes, frustrating arguments.. At first I thought this would not have been possible, for I thought I would love him so much.well the thing is, I still love sooooo much but instead of focusing on him and his struggle. I focus on me and my environment, transforming every little negativity.it's magic, but real.
love love love, you are worth it, it's all worth it.
nothing is wrong with you. alcoholism is wrong around you. the good thing is, you can walk away.just like thatain't we lucky!
big big hug and a whole sack full of LOVE.
be patient and look on your inside. and once you got thatspread it to the outside

in support

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

I try to just be around positive supportive people
Especially during my recovery. I am still very fragile
Emotionally.

Negative or bad people just bring you down to their
Level any gains you made go the other way. It brings
On self doubt and confusion.

Keep reaching out for support and attend as many
Ftf meetings as possible. Keep loving your HP and
yourself The rest will follow. It is a very painful
Journey loving an alcoholic.

My thought are with you!

a4l · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey Acey. That's a blow to have that announcement made after you signed the lease. Don't do the self blame thing. It just helps keep us stuck. Nice to meet you. Edna .

Jaclyn · Senior Member

Acey3303 - I totally understand... Believe me (my thread alanon.activeboard.com/t59403720/please-help/)... There is no greater pain or feeling of despair. I have felt and do feel everything you wrote. You are not alone. Sending good thoughts. xo

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

This is a great site. There are online meetings, plus the message board, chat and much more. Take care and keep coming back.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.