The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a newbie, and have been lurking in the background. Reading your posts throughout the day gets me by when I'm working and can't get to a meeting.
I had a difficult time talking to him when I visited him in rehab. He didn't want to talk about the program or his progress - just that he was busy and he had to change.
My live-in boyfriend is coming home after 90 days of inpatient rehab. I'm nervous and don't know what to say to encourage him or what not to say. I've been taking great care of myself (lost 12 lb), and am happy he's home, but I feel so unprepared.
I appreciate any and all feedback.
-- Edited by paango on Thursday 12th of March 2015 02:37:36 PM
Im in a similar position. AH is coming home from rehab in 2 weeks. Ive been to my meetings and studyin my alanon books. Still,when i think of him coming home,all that i learned seems to fall out of my head.Then I get anxious,thinking I will act in the'old way'.
Hi Paango I am so happy that both you and your BF are pursing recovery. Good Job. You are attending alanon so when he comes home it is a perfect to bring out your alanon tools and practice. keeping the focus on yourself, not reacting, live and let live and placing participles above personalities
Remember your assets and gratitude lists and the serenity prayer You will be fine
I found I didn't have to be worried about encouraging my son. I let him decide when and how he was going to say anything to me and only if HE wanted to. I took care of me and if or when a subject came up I knew how to listen and only answered with encouragement that would mean something to him. Otherwise I let go and let him work his program. His program is his not mine ....it's none of my business.
I work my program without interference so I will respect his.
((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Actually his recovery isn't about you at all. The disease has already proven to you that you are somewhere way beyond second place when it comes to self importance. This is time for self care and if you try to assert some kind of priority in the early part of a recovery you will find yourself way beyond second place whether he continues to drink or not. This is your time, your time to come out into the family groups if you have not already. Come sit with us in the face to face Al-Anon family groups as often the as you can over the next 90 days and listen and learn. Come to this MIP site and listen and learn and participate. You will be amazed at what you learn here. ((((hugs))))
Just keep working on you and your own recovery! With
alanon ftf meetings You Will learn effective tools of loving
detachment and good Healthy boundaries among other tools.
Your main focus Should be on you not him. We need to get
healthy ourselves Thru Self care, self love and self acceptance.
It is a lot of Hard work For us to get healthy. No matter what
he does or doesnt do in recovery.
Everyones recovery is their own private journey. He is
A big boy that needs to learn to take care of himself and his
Own Problems. Hopefully he gets an AA sponsor and works the
steps. His sponsor is his go to person for answers not you
And he also hopefully goes to 90 AA mtgs in 90 days.
Good for you for taking losing weight and taking care of yourself. Keep doing that, keep yourself at the top of your priorities. Theres nothing you can say, not say, do, not do that has the power to keep him sober or get him drunk. He is the only one with that control. So, relax, do what you want, say what you want, keep enjoying life and let him be the rightful one to wonder how he slots back in.
