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My husband finally admitted that he is an alcholic. This was a big step for him but it was a long time coming. Over this past weekend he drank so much vodka that he was out of control. I took the kids and left and then he admitted it to me that night. He surprised me yesterday and went to an AA meeting where he actually spoke. I would like to think he could get clean on his own but I don't want to be naive. He is hesitant about going to rehab but I think this is he only way to really go. I would like to hear other people's experiences. I feel like we really crossed a hurdle with him admitting it and then going to a meeting. He is fully aware that he will lose his family if he continues to drink so I haven't gone down the road of giving him an ultimatum. Feel like I have been through a war this week but I will say it has been refreshing to get this all out in the air and for me to even admit he is an alcholic. I have told one of his friends who I ended up staying the night with but everyone else still does not know.
People have gotten sober with just AA. There are also other sobriety programs and treatments out there (though I personally don't believe any that say "controlled drinking" is possible for alcoholics - that's far from true in my experience). Many people do "90 meetings in 90 days," or 180 meetings in 90 days. That said, if he's going to go through a physical withdrawal from a large amount of alcohol, you'd want medical supervision.
I think maybe this is the time for him to figure out what he needs and how he'll do it. A's do better when they take ownership of the decision and choices. Some people need rehab, some don't make it even with multiple rehabs, some make it on AA alone, some combine rehab and AA, some do halfway houses ... there are many paths and many different kinds of needs.
I haven't gone yet but I do see a counselor so I will be seeing her soon. I work in a city that has a lot of meetings during lunch time so I am going to try and go to one on Friday.
He actually texted me yesterday before the meeting to say "don't hate me if I drink beer, I have sworn off vodka". I didn't reply to the text until after he got home from the meeting. Had a conversation with him to let him know that beer would just lead to vodka and that he has no control over it. It is amazing what just one meeting did for him as he came home devastated but understanding that he is an A and needs to change for our family. We have two young boys who I do not want to put them through this. Both my husband and I had alcholic fathers so I am well aware of the struggles that go on with families. I just hope it doesn't come down to me leaving but I know I can't contol his behavior and he has to be the one to change.
My other question is this: do I take all the bottles out of the house? I told him I would stop drinking which won't really be a problem as I am only a wine drinker having one or two glasses a week but he says he doesn't want me to quit. I am thinking I just won't drink around him but not sure if I should remove all the temptation in the fridge.
Al-Anon meetings will be a wealth of help for all the questions that will come up.
One thing to know is that if your husband wants to drink, not having bottles in the house will not stop him.
If he wants to stop, he will make the conditions right for that.
My experience is that it probably does not matter whether you throw out the bottles or he does or what happens to them.
As you probably know, the number of alcoholics who achieve longterm sobriety is not great. It is less than 25%. But here's the good news. The number would be much higher if we could have any effect on it. But we can't. So you can "let go and let God." Pretty much nothing we do will make any difference. So leaving his recovery in his hands is the way forward.
My sponsor once told me that rehab removes the rose colored glasses, but the real work happens after. My husband has been to rehab 5 times and still drinks. So, it's hard to say. Everyones path is different and ultimately the decision has to be the alcoholics.
Have you asked him to remove the bottles from the house? My AH told me not to remove his substance of choice during this last relapse, because he wanted to do it himself as part of his letting go and surrender vs. me doing it for him ( as I had grown accustomed to doing most everything for him in my usual "damage control" mode)... Just a thought :)
.Jazzie if he attedning AA, he should be talking to a sponsor and receiving healthy advice from program people. Many have recovered without rehab.
Alanon is a great place for you go so as to help yourself and family.
folks got sober without rehab for years before there was rehab. I think he can. I have heard that the key is going to meetings.
I agree that Al-anon will be a help for you. go to many different meetings as often as you can until you find a few that you like and feel comfortable with.
__________________
-- ladybug
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
I never went to rehab and am now sober 6 and a half years. That being said, it can be dangerous to detox at home and he should talk to a doctor. Rehab is definitely needed if a person cannot even string a few days sober together. In my opinion it is there to stabilize mood somewhat and to put enough distance between the last drink and being back in the community so that the person has a greater chance of succeeding in AA. It may also be fore people that just cannot seem to stop relapsing even when they try AA in earnest (in my opinion those that relapse aren't trying AA in earnest even though they think they are or they try it and just stop trying and then say AA doesn't work when actually they just stopped working IT). If your husband is ready and can delve into AA now, get a sponsor, really work it....then rehab may not be necessary.
I learned to ask the question, "What are you afraid of" and then just sit and listen without judgment. The question is best answered between him and a sober person who has time in recovery. Question will he be able to realize the full recovery before the disease kills him. (((hugs)))
There's no reason a person can't successfully stop drinking on their own, but many many people absolutely need some sort of support. It really depends on their personalities, motivation, and level of alcoholism.
I stopped cold turkey when I was 22, that was 32 years ago, but I was never a drink every day type, I just couldn't stop once I started. One of my brothers stopped cold turkey when he hit 50, that was 16 years ago for him, and he was a get drunk every day kind of guy. Neither of us every attended any programs or AA meetings. Also a guy that works for me has been sober for 23 years, again cold turkey and no AA, but he has recently started attending AA meetings to "give back" and help others. But I also know many people who have been to different programs and AA off and on for years, with no success, my sister and one of my other brothers for example.
What I'm saying is there is no guarantee either way, but I believe if you look at the statistics people in programs and with support in place are more successful on average. The other thing to consider is the mental health part of it, there is more to being sober than just not drinking. Learning to be sober and adjusting your thinking and rational is paramount to long term successes, at least in my opinion. In this day and age of information access if your husband is leery of AA meetings or face to face conversations maybe he can ease into it with on line chat rooms or even on line therapy.
All you can do is support and encourage him to explore all the avenues available, if he is serious he will figure it out. If doing it independently works for him so be it, but if it doesn't I pray he will continue searching for the approach that will lead him to sobriety. Admitting that he has a problem and looking at ways to stop is a major first step, it sounds like he is a least at that point and that's further than many alcoholics ever get.
