The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday, my husband brought hard liquor in to our home, which is something I have told him many times is unacceptable to me. He tends to become verbally abusive after consuming hard liquor and it is very upsetting even though I try to detatch. It happens every time he touches the stuff.
Anyway, he had the drink in hand and I told him that I really did not feel like being mistreated today and asked him to dump it out. At first, he refused. I told him that if he chose to have that drink, our son and I would be leaving for the night. I said, "You can have your vodka or I can stay, but you can't have both. It's your decision." So he dumped it out.
I know we are not supposed to try to control the alcoholic's drinking. In all honesty, I was fully prepared to leave if he chose to keep that drink. It was not a bluff at all. I don't think I should leave myself open to mistreatment by sticking around when he chooses to drink hard liquor. I just thought he should be aware of what would happen beforehand.
I agree you did well. You verbalized your boundary, were prepared to act and presented this to your spouse. He had a choice and it was up to him
It is a fine line between control and boundaries. It helps me to understand that Boundaries are in place only to protect me and that is my motive for instituting them--- when I am attempting to control it is because I believe that my way is the only right way and that I am always right. There is quite a difference
In my eyes, i think this could be the perfect example of using alanon tools, setting boumdaries, being ready to follow through and your motives were great. It wasnt about changing him or controlling him it was about protecting your peace and serenity. For me thats how i know, look at my motives if its about me, improving my situation then its always right. If it was about teaching him a lesson or controlling him your motives would be about him. Well done and thanks for sharing. This is it in action for me.x
Thank you guys for your comments. I've really been second guessing myself a lot for the last few years. I guess being told that I'm being mean or unreasonable has taken more of a toll than I thought. All of the reassurance really helps. I can't wait to feel more confident in my actions. I know I'm getting there!
Its okay to second guess. That is how we come to great practice. Say what you mean, Mean what you say...don't say it mean. Follow thru. Thanks for the lesson. (((hugs)))
