The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think i may owe some mip folks an apology. I have come to realise that i dont always give esh away freely. It often comes with expectations that are unrealistic on my part, like, i know best kind of esh, so you better listen to me. Sometimes the suggestions i give have an underlying demand attached. I still like things done my way, gawdam it. controlling and domineering are shortcomings that must have helped me at one time or another but ive had enough of them now. Realistically, i know they wont just disappear, ive got to be ready and ive got to practice the opposite, god love jerry for that nugget. Im trying and im quite good at some stuff too. Thanks for your patience with me for thes 2 years youve known me and forgive me if ive been demanding or a bit agressive.x
This kind of amends pays off really big El-Cee. The benefit of the 9 and the 10th doesn't get me Saint Hood it gets me humble and it lets others off the hook also. I got to laugh on occasion when I admitted to being a jerk and to have the person I was admitting that to either nod yes or reply something like, "I thought so too". My sponsor taught me to think in terms of "Got myself good that time". Humility is being teachable. ((((you're okay with me also))))
I struggle with the same notions. I'm a work in progress. I learned to stop taking crap but have not learned any really gentle way to help others not take crap or to let the sit in their crap if they need or to stop judging their situations as crap period. Nonetheless, I am authentic I think.
Hey LC It sounds as if you examined your motives, which revealed an issue that many of us had not noticed or felt. You are a gift here as is anyone else and we re all works in progress.
El-cee ... You put up with my crazy behavior in the beginning (as did all of you) so I owe an apology as well. You are awesome in my books!!!! (((Hugs)))
If it had not been for this board in my crisis mode, I would have never walked into a domestic shelter.
You bring so much good stuff to our party I had not noticed what you have seen, but I do understand what you are talking about having often done the same thing! I try to visualise my hand opening up to let a butterfly fly free when I catch myself using my words in a controlling way. It always softens me up. (PS the good thing about my open hand is that it allows good things can land in the palm of my hand as well.) Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you everyone for your understanding and thanks for identifying, it helps to know im not unique, in more ways than one, lol The spiceyness is over, for now anyway.x
It's funny the things that we can see in ourselves if we are self-critical (NOT self-shamed) that other people won't see in us. I didn't see anything like this in you either el-cee. But I don't know you well enough to know all of your motivations, all I can do is guess, which I try not to do, as I consider that taking an inventory.
I have seen some spicyness, but hey, spice is a good thing as far as I'm concerned, you probably don't like to eat a bland curry any more than I do!
Thanks Kenny. I've been working on it and I'm much better but I think it might come from Still being a bit angry at myself and my own denial. I'm learning to accept more of what's happened in the past, trying to be gentle, not my strength. I'm not planning on a complete personality transplant but will try harder.x
(((((((((((((((((Elcee)))))))))))))) I'm like you I believe the more we accept our old wore out tools that worked in our past life,the easier they fall away from us in the present. Also knowing each one of us will always still struggle with something. We are human. I learn so much from everyone in the program. I chose a gentle quiet sponsor...but sometimes the people who call me out make me think. I think that is where one really needs to learn to take what they like and leave the rest. Everyone is entitled to their humanness. Without the garden variety of people. we would all be the same and all be possibly perfect, that doesn't sound too fun to me...A lot funner to keep working on oneself. I love all the different people and different voices in Alanon and Pink Chip, it takes a strong courageous person to be honest and not care what others think. So yes you are right to celebrate you..and its cool that you are authentic. Blessings and love to all :)
__________________
I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
You're doing just fine elcee, you know your not perfect and you do question yourself, you're open and you have a good sense of humor.....and you are giving yourself to this board and doing service that is very generous. If you are out of line someone will surely let you know!
take what you like and leave the rest! ;) love you .... L
...
Thanks for showing us what amends looks like.
(PS the good thing about my open hand is that it allows good things can land in the palm of my hand as well.) Thanks for the reminder.