The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
do you feel like a hypocrit? Granted we can control our drinking, alot less frequent, doesnt interfere with life, etc. But do you find yourself not being able to enjoy an alcoholic drink once you realize your spouse is an alcoholic?
Well the thing i think Barb is that I would never do it in his face. If I wanted to go out for lunch with the girls and have a couple beers I don't think that is his business. I think we should be able to live our lives with the freedom of choices.
We are not alcoholics they are. So I guess maybe it is a personal choice. Whatever you think is better for your situation. However we are not harming anyone by having a couple of drinks.
Your post was so short that I may be missing something, but here goes...I addressed this in another post today. Personally, I feel like I can't drink in front of my husband because he will want to drink and gets upset if I am drinking and tell him I won't buy him alcohol. It saves energy and time if I stick to Diet Coke. I left him for a month in September and I drank 5-6 times, which is unusual for me because I've haven't been much of a drinker since college. I do feel resentful that I feel as if I have to monitor my behavior because of his problem. Keep in mind I said "I feel as if I have to" I know I don't have to change my behavior for anyone, but I feel as if I do.
Hi, Barbara, Thanks for your post. I guess I take a whole different tack to this. Why drink at all? We here all know the sorrow that alcohol can cause. We have lots of experience of that. Many of us here have at least one alcoholic parent. I think the latest statistics show that if there is alcoholism in the family, we have 4 times greater risk of succumbing to the disease than anyone else. So who knows? I personally gave up drinking alcohol over 20 years ago, when I began to realize the depths of the disease and how it had hurt me all my life. I have no problem when someone has a drink when they are with me; sometimes they ask if it's ok, and I always say I don't have a problem with their drinking at all. I can't make that choice for them, and what it means to them may be entirely different than what it means to me. But I can't understand why we continue to drink. The whole culture is in denial, and will be until people stop buying the stuff at all! Thanks for being here. I always enjoy your wisdom. Blessings, mebjk
I have a drink if I want one, which is pretty seldom. We don't keep liquor in the house, to me that is just good manners, as he is sober and it would be like rubbing his nose in it. However, the whole world doesn't stop spinning just because of one alcoholic - they need to find a way to live in the world as it is, and that includes people drinking in front of them.
I would suggest that you approach your own drinking the way you would any other slightly bad for you indulgence, such as chocolate. If you want some, and can honestly say that it does not cause a problem, then go for it. If you don't want it, or you are worried about your OWN consumption, then don't. Base your decision on YOUR needs and desires, not anyone else's. There is no need for you to be held hostage by someone else's disease.
If you were married to a diabetic, you would probably not stuff the house full of candy and cake. You wouldn't sit in front of him wiht a hot fudge sundae, saying "Oh, this is sooooo good". However, if you really wanted a chocolate bar, you'd have one, right? You wouldn't think "Ah, this is like giving him permisson to have one too". You would know that the management (or not) of his disease is not your problem, and that he doesn't need your permission to do harm to himself, if that is his choice.
Long before comming to al anon I had lost interest in drinking at all, hated the smell of it everything it was doing to my husb. Out of respect for my hsubands efforts to stop drinking our sons have never drank in front of thier dad. he says it dosent bother him at all but they jst don't do it. We are all diff barbara your not an A so if u want to go out and have a drink or two that is your choice . no judgment here
I personally still drink. It can be done in moderation and on occaision!! Why should I be denied a glass of wine because of his problem, or margurittas with the girls when he has the problem? That's like beating the cat because the dog peed on the floor! I do not drink with him, I lose all interest. I have been struggling all week about going to his company party with him tonight, because they put them up in motel rooms and feed them booze. I want no part of it.
I know some alcoholics really appreciate when spouses quit as well, and I know others who do not care. I myself go to open AA meetings and it comes up often.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I don't drink at all. Never did. I simply do not like the taste of alcohol. Whether it's in a beer, a Cherry Heering, a Manhattan, or anything else. I was always a cheap date because I stuck with my Diet Coke. Maybe that is why I am so totally intolerant. So...in my myopic view, I wonder why you need to drink at all. It is your right, of course, but if you choose to do it, it would perhaps be better not to drink in hubby's presence. JMHO!!
I learned a long time ago, that if I choose to have a drink, it has nothing to do with my husbands disease active or not. If my husband chose to drink again because I had a couple, that was his choice and it was not caused by me. I have never felt guilty about it, because I know what I do is not a deciding factor in his disease. There were times when I thought to hide the small amounts of alcohol I keep in the home, but realized that I am bowing to his disease in doing so. I am still trying to control the outcome of his drinking. Even if I hid it, and he wanted to drink he would find a way.
In this program I have found that I can live my life the way I choose to and he has his life to live. Live and let live is a very important lesson in this program to learn and it does make all the difference. It relieves us of the guilt for doing the things that we enjoy doing.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
You are not an alcoholic, so if you choose to have a few drinks that is your choice.
I myself choose not to drink. I hate the smell of it and the way people act when they are drinking. I am not even comfortable in a bar. I have seen it destroy too many lives to want to be around it at all.
As far as functions where alcohol is served, my husband is active and will not go to any affair if he can't drink. I will not go with him if he is going to drink, so I end up either going alone or not going.
This is a personal choice we all have to make for ourselves.
For me, watching my A over the past 19 years has turned me off drinking, but in a way, that I would never drink enough now to even get so much as "merry".
If I fancy a scotch and coke, I have one. But it is only ever just the one. That's all I want and I have been like this for years.
My A is active, so I have never had the luxury of this dilemma when he is in recovery.
My A will drink whenever he wants, my behavior is not an influence on him in any way.
"Enjoy an alcoholic drink" hmmm...enjoy a cheesecake, yes, but alcohol...
I used to like a Heinekin occassionally until about 15 years ago, and I worked a market research study for that beer. Now I can't stand the smell of it.
There's just too much sorrow for me with alcohol. I did take a tiny sip of my nephew's wine that he made and he also made a film about. It wasn't bad.
The best taste of wine I ever had was at a celebrity party and the wine cost $3,000 a bottle. It was like nectar of the gods, but I still like cheesecake better. A LOT better, and I have to stay far away from it.
