I'm not new to this, but I'm new to this - Al-Anon Family Group

Timjack · Newbie

I'm not new to this, but I'm new to this

Timjack · Newbie

Thanks everyone! You're a great site for those who need help!

Smiley99 · Member

Hi Timjack. I really could not begin to imagine what you're going through. I just saw your post and wanted to tell you how sorry I am. Can you get to a f2f meeting right away? I hope that your husband's relapse was just for today and that you were able to find your son. Just wanted to let you know that I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Timjack I am sorry you are in such pain and can certainly understand your concerns. I would just like to point out, that this site is a message board and not a chat room.
Everyone here is extremely helpful and when available, they will come to the site and respond to postings. If no one responded to your post within 10 or 15 minutes,it's because nobody was online who could identify with your issue.

As you know alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease that can be arrested and not cured. Your husband drank today because he chose to use alcohol to stifle his feelings. He could've called his AA sponsor, rushed to a meeting or called an AA friend. He made a different choice and you are not responsible for the decisions that he made nor the action that he chose.

Having a child that is in trouble with addiction is an extremely painful situation. I experienced the challenge in my lifetime and I can understand your dilemma. If you do not already attend Al-Anon has face-to-face meetings in most communities and attending them will certainly help to relieve you of some of this anxiety and stress.

No one in Al-Anon nor this board will tell you what to do as the answers for each of our lives lies within each of us. We will offer you tools that will help you to make constructive choices that will help your life.

Your son, also has a disease over which you are powerless. You didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. The best you can hope to do to try to regain your own mental health and sanity. Al-Anon offers you that prospect. Please keep coming back here you are not alone.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Timjack))))) Aloha and welcome to the board. Just doing a ditto with what hotrod offered. Right on!! I am a double...original member of Al-Anon and then 9 years later included AA in my recovery. About my drinking I came to learn that there wasn't a law that said I had to no matter all the different excuses I had stored up. The one about "well if things get so really bad I can drink over it" went away fast when I remembered that getting myself almost terminally ill with booze because someone else was being irresponsible. I came to understand the insidious nature of the relationship I had with the chemical, "mind and mood" altering alcohol. It made promises and all I had to do was create the reason. I never got the reasoning right and in Al-Anon learned that alcoholism subsist on so much bs that it is a truth that the last word of our second step is "sanity". There is no law that justifies me drinking a mind and mood altering chemical which when used as I did it brought me to an insane and near fatal condition each and every time. It is even more senseless when I use someone else problem to justify it. Al-Anon and MIP is for you. Read hotrods response over and over and if you are not yet attending face to face Al-Anon meetings I suggest you find out where and when we get together in your area and come early. The hot line number is in the white pages of your local telephone book. Your husband knows where his support group is. Your son knows he needs help. smile

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

It's your choice to live with your heroin addict son, but in most cases, that keeps a heroin addict sick because they turn your caring into enabling. That being said, it was a really, really, stupid and lame reason for your husband to relapse (saying this also from being a recovering alcoholic like Jerry above). He could have left, but drinking at you is like taking poison and expecting it to kill the other person.

So that being said, I can see an urgent need for you to get into alanon fast. You are literally surrounded by addiction and you need support. My heart goes out to you for this double whammy of disease you are dealing with. I worked in adult rehab for quite some time and the typical client was a 20something year old heroin addict. Some of the mothers talked to me about a group called "The Addict's Mom." addictsmom.com/ It seemed to help them, but I know alanon also has overarching support for dealing with all that addiction from both your husband and son.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Timjack, Welcome to MIP

I can't imagine how unsupported you must have felt when your husband reacted by reaching for a drink. I am married to an alcoholic and count myself fortunate that I do not have a child who is having to deal with addiction, it must be the hardest of journeys to go through.

I have found support through Alanon. I really appreciate being able to speak with and listen to others who understand my situation. I appreciate finding others who can recognise the crazy situations going on in my life and who can keep pointing me towards taking responsibility for living my life as best I can. I do hope that you can find others in your neighbourhood who can help you through this difficult time.

I also found that reading as much as I could lay my hands on about addiction helped me a lot. I also looked within myself and asked what messages I was sending to my husband by putting up with behaviour that I would not tolerate in others. It helped me to realise that it was my husband's choice to drink or not to drink. My question was could I thrive whilst living with an addict? I have seen lots of folks here acknowledge that what we do has to feel right for us. You do have options, so apart from wishing for a miracle (because as you know these situations don't heal themselves overnight), which choice feels right for you for now? What can you do to protect and inform yourself going forward?

LedfootJenny · Senior Member

Timjack - I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and your family today. This journey of motherhood is my greatest gift - and also the source of my deepest sorrow. I hope that today you have found some peace and can feel everyone's support.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.