The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODA T for today speaks about keeping the focus on ourselves and not trying to analyze why another person does what they do. Trying to figure out others is a waste of time and energy as it is more important to my recoverys to figure out why I do what I do.
I can do that by keeping the focus on myself looking inward to face my own mistakes and to learn how to improve myself.
The quote is from Thomas Merton; "Although all men have a common destiny, each individual also has to work out his personal salvation for himself. We can help one another find out the meaning of life----but in the last analysis, each is responsible for finding himself." I
I think both readings, sums up Al-Anon's principle of keeping the focus on ourselves, utilize do not analyze.
I can fidn it hard to focus on myself at times. Sometimes i catch myself looking out at what someone else is doing and how they are doing it and what it says about them. Its an old behaviour, does me no good and when i look at the reasons i do it it might be that im looking for some of the old ego inflating rewards. I think when i look in and stay looking in i find things to like within myself and then it removes the need to look out. I think.x
Thank you Betty and Elcee for sharing ;) I like what you said Elcee about it being a old behavior...yes it is and one that was deeply ingrained in me. It still feels foreign at times to focus on myself. I'm glad that the program slows it way down..and we only have to do anything minute by minute, hour by hour or day by day. We can make progress and be gentle with ourselves and the process. I don't have to understand why someone does the things they do. I think back on the wasted time I spent...years..obsessing why..when the answer is " its a disease" and it affects everybody differently. Best to keep the focus on me be supportive and take a healthy interest in others but keep my autonomy. I needed this reading today. Thankyou again Betty...I was in a spin for a hour this morning..wondering why my significant other is unable to set boundaries and continues to enable his children. I was able to keep my mouth shut and scoot out the door. I first went to the gym, then my meeting and then helped a friend begin to work the steps for two hours. Now I'm home and I am here. Hp is providing for me in every moment. I don't need to understand the whys? That's the disease in me. I have no kids, I can't begin to understand that. I plan on being quiet support and a listening ear. God has a good plan, I don't have to understand it. I just need to always remember he is working in my life and everyone else's and trust trust trust. Thank you for allowing me to share with you.
__________________
I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
It has taken me a long time but finally I am trying to focus on myself. What I think or say to my AH takes away from me getting healthy. Good one Betty!
