The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Before you respond, know that i ask myself" why do you stay"" all the time so theres no need to go there. I just need some compassion. Ah never came home last nite. . It was supposed to be date night, (ha, i had a date with my empty house & a snowstorm). . he had all sorts of excuses. Igot up this morning to an unplowed driveway and no husband. He came home around 1100am saying i was at so and sos last night then went to plow. . Hes clearly hung over, raging ticked because of a cell phone glitch and at 1230 in the afternoon jst poured himself a glass of my wine (hes a beer drinker. . Theresno beer in the house). When i asked, " what the hell are you doing" he indignantly replied, " having aglass of wine". . Yes, cuz thats*normal* for sunday at noon. Bull****i almost threw up. I stopped what i was doing and walked away. Im supposed to go get my daughter soon cuz she wanted family time. . She stayed with my folks last night. . By the time she gets home he will be a wasted passed out LOSER. yes, im ticked. Im sick of his tempwr, his "all me" attitude. His blatant disrespect for PEOPLE. He is sooooo SELFISH and indignant. Im so sick of this. Niw youd think id pack my bags and leave, i wont. In fact we are suppised to fly to fla in three days for a fam vaca. . Ohgoodie. . Sometimes i just wish HED leave and never come back. Im sick of being disappointed and hurt.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
(((((Ocean)))))...so did you arrive at the answer to your question? It isn't our awareness that helps change so much as it is yours. Frustration for me always was understanding that I needed to "do" something different rather than just "think" something different. This is temporary sister...keep coming back...practice, practice, practice. Hugs
Nice to see you back. I dont think anyone here would ever tell you to leave. We all know how complex it is in a dysfunctional relationship. Its important to look at what your getting out of this relationship. It could be your getting to be the good one all the time, your self esteem and self worth could be tied in with comparing yourself to alcoholic behaviour. I know i got a lot out of my relationship. I got to complain about the same thing for years and years without taking any responsibility to change things. I got to feel the heightened anxiety that became like a drug to me. I was addicted to him. Its not an easy road to go alone. Glad your here.
-- Edited by el-cee on Sunday 22nd of February 2015 02:24:02 PM
(((TOC) You are being open and honest. You are using program tools and getting stronger. Keep detaching, let go of any expectations of him and trust the process. You will get to the place HP needs you to be
.
I remember the day my AW got drunk, slowly and stealthily, until she couldn't go to a concert by one of our very favorite bands that I had booked for both of us. I was so mad, I ended up not going myself because I didn't trust her to stay alone by herself. Got so mad I called her mom over, who slapped her a few times because she was so mad at my wife! Yes, I think we have all been there, and had plenty of those bad moments.
They say that expectations are the co-alcoholic's hangover. If you are going to stay in a relationship like this, you will need to keep the expectations very low. That's what I finally had to do. I got to the point where I thought about how many times I had disappointed her, and there were plenty, so i thought it was unfair to keep any expectation of her when she has this terrible disease. It wasn't easy at all. But that was one of the ways I had to deal with some of the awful things that were going down at the time, and still be able to stay with her.
Keep using your tools, and working that program, and you will be able to answer for yourself whether you should stay, or yow you would stay.
I know someone who was going to go out with a group of us friends for a celebration. But it was her husband's birthday and the night before he said he had a change of plans and was going to be home and wanted her to celebrate with him. So she bowed out on her plans and made him a big birthday dinner and wrapped a present. We kept in touch with her throughout the evening as we were all out together. He never showed up at home. The dinner she made got cold, the present sat there unopened. She couldn't leave because he had the only car. She didn't want anyone to pick her up because she thought he would be home any minute. I guess he finally came home roaring drunk at 1 am and passed out.
I guess what I'm saying is: you're not the only one.
It's all so sad. Except for the drinker, I guess. They don't seem to be sad about it.
To Mattie, Kenny, Betty, elcee and john. . Thank you. This is the one place i can be really honest and not "hung out to dry". I stayed away from home today. Took my daughter and just did stuff. Also had a talk with her about her dad and this disease and where it puts me. . And us as a family. Hard talk to have. She admitted getting use to him not being around but sad bc we dont do much as a family. I said, yeah, i get sad too.
Mattie, i cant tell you how many times ive stayed home thinking he will be home any minute only to not see him until the next day. I do feel like thats MY addiction. . I wait and expect. . I think sadly we get to the point whete even the smallest scrap feels like something, so like a dog under the dinning room table, we stit and wait. The dsyfunction is my norm, my norm is just somedays harder to stomach than others. Thanks all.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
