The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I started a new job with a nice raise and promotion two months ago. And, to be honest, my serenity is really being maxed out. I finally pinpointed what the real core of the problem was last night before I went to bed. My new boss is the female version of my AH (RIP)! I don't have any idea if she might have addiction issues, but she surely demonstrates behavior similar to my AH:
- Plays the victim
- Is a "baby queen" (referenced in Toby Rice's book: Getting Them Sober Vol IV)
- Lies repeatedly to many people
- Mood swings from ecstatic to enraged
- Avoidance of those who question her behaviors or who catch her lying
- Manipulative
- Seems funny and friendly to those on the outside, but can be mean and vindictive to those in her inner circle
And the outcome of these behaviors is lots of office drama. Two people have been fired within the two months that I have worked here- and two more are threatening to quit. It's a revolving door!
I am so very disappointed in this realization. I had such high hopes for this job and I really like my co-workers (and they are all at a loss at to how to deal with her as well). She is a very powerful figure and is world-renowned for her research. I'm not sure if my Al-Anon tools will be enough to last in this new career. I go home mentally exhausted and dread going back to work each day. Weekends are the worst. On Sunday nights, my stomach starts to churn and I can't sleep- just like I was around my AH. No amount of pay is worth this kind of stress.
And how in the world do you detach from someone from whom you have to take direction and get constant feedback? I really need this job now that I am on my own and won't be able to retire for at least 10 more years. My home life is so peaceful, save my infrequent contact with my AD. Is it really unrealistic to expect to have peace at home AND at work? Is this my new reality? I can't go looking for another job after only being here for two months! I'm trying to practice as much good self-care as possible: taking long walks at lunch, meditation, eating healthy, and talking to my sponsor. What else can I do about this predicament that I have gotten myself into?
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Friday 20th of February 2015 06:23:53 PM
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Friday 20th of February 2015 11:25:00 PM
I think you certainly can look for a new job after only two months. You'd have to prepare an answer to why you want to move on so quickly - something like, 'I took the previous job because it seemed like a fine fit, but what I've really been eager to do is to be able to participate in a [thing related to job you're applying for], and when I saw this opening, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity...' Certainly it will be harder than landing a job from one you've been in a while, but I don't think it's impossible. Often we tell ourselves, "I could never..." and that keeps us from even trying, which keeps us stuck.
It's certainly reasonable to want to have peace both at home and at work. It sounds as if that would be an unrealistic expectation for your work conditions right now. Lots of chances to practice using the Al-Anon tools and cultivating your serenity! Remember QTIP, Don't React, and the rest. Wishing you much serenity!
Hugs .. While you are hanging out in the hallways and it's hot and uncomfortable I find asking my HP what lessons i need to learn from whatever situation is repeating. Obviously I won't stop learning a lesson until it's done. Big hugs.
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Aloha Green Eyes...for me I always recognize the opportunity to step up my program and this program can really be stepped up. The only person I am responsible to is me and the only person I am responsible for is me. I get to decide how, where, when and why I flow and I've got Higher Power to help me move that way. I get to stop and think before the decision and then listen to my formers sponsor's voice, "Choose how you want it to come out and then do the work". I don't have to re-act...I can respond and the difference is in the patience, waiting, listening, looking and deciding. In the end I got me and I want me to be sane and serene. I have people who are in my space like you do and I am not responsible for and to them. My safety net is that I am "self" employed and that is a great mindset and behavior. I employ myself and while they are in my time and space I always have the choice on how I move in it. The steps for me are the guides along with the language of the meetings and groups. You have the raise and the extras and this job is only one part of your life....not all of your life. You get to be Green Eyes completely and that's the program. You can get fearful for a while of things that seem to be beyond our control and I limit the "for a while" ...fear isn't a career for me anymore...just a knee jerk reaction if at all. You got experience...bank on it. (((((hugs)))))
(((Green Eyes))) I do understand and have experienced much the same during my career. Please try to do this new job , one day at a time, using the serenity prayer and slogans to get through the day. I have found HP works in mysterious ways and things change when I least expect them.
Positive thoughts on the way
Thank you, all. You've given me hope today, and it's much appreciated. I really like what Jerry said: "Choose how you want it to come out, and then do the work." No matter if I decide to stay or leave, it's up to me to do the work to get me where I need to be right now.
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Sunday 22nd of February 2015 01:21:32 AM
